Friday, February 28, 2014

Life Before Xerox - 8

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On the third day of my visit to our Siva Typing Institute at Vizagh to retrieve some of that Rs 30 I paid in advance to its owner, and started typing asdfgf, I noticed that the letters on the paper came out all red instead of black. And I asked my senior about it and he came down and toggled a switch (much like the child lock of my son's Tata Indigo), and lo and behold, letters turned black once again. 

Talking of child locks in our family sedan, they are supposed to trap little Ishani inside safe so that she doesn't open her back door and jump out on the wrong side. But it never works that way. When she is in the back seat, the child lock always finds itself unlocked...and it gets automatically locked whenever I am in there...a variant of Murphy's Law. Then Ishani jumps out of her front seat and opens my back door for me shouting:

"Don't worry!...I am here...just a minute...ok?"

A couple of weeks later, in my typing institute, I was allowed to insert an overused carbon paper into the typewriter. Of course it always got itself folded up and wrinkled and it was a curse to get it out. 

I recall that carbon papers too came in a variety of color schemes in addition to black. There was blue, surely, and maybe a sort of sepia. 

And there were some senior typewriter-artists amongst us...they used to produce Hanumanjee's figure using +++ and --- and *** symbols...and get rebuked by the Manager...and venerated by Bajrang Bhakts.

I thought, with the advent of computers and color printers, the good old carbon papers vanished from the Hyderabad scene. But no! On the first of every month I travel to our CBRE office to pay my monthly maintenance of Rs 1500 to the young chap there manning his computer and talking on his perennial cell phone. After he dumps my cash into his box and enters my name and flat number in his computer hard disk, he takes out his pocket-size receipt book and uses a slice of the good old carbon paper...auld lang syne...

Also, the carbon copies of my youth have come to stay in the ultramodern e-mail jargon. When I 'send' a mail to Aniket in Cal with copies to Sourya in Chile and Shamik in Paris and they get them in their inbox within seconds, I use what is called: 'cc'. Webster tells me that this approved abbreviation for 'carbon copy' is as old as 1983...just about when the PC was born. 

cc is also a listed transitive verb...my son's ex-boss always used to scold his minions:

"cc me! cc me!! cc me!!!"

whenever they sent mails to their customers in America. 

This 'customer' thing also bugs me often. There is a CRM, short for Customer Relationship Manager, I guess, in our gated community. This young chap once praised me:

"Sir, it is not easy to find customers like you who pay their dues on time on the first of every month"

I was somewhat irritated and rebuked him smilingly:

"I am no longer your customer...I am the OWNER of my flat...you are my customer!"

Anyway, in this process of cc'-ing from here to Cal to Chile to Paris, I guess there is no carbon atom involved at all...more like silicons...sc...

By and by I went to IIT KGP from Vizagh to teach students of chemical engineering most of the time. My section used to have about 50 students in the 1970s and 80s. 

One day I got fed up with the misleading and wrong treatments of physical optics in most books available in the market and I wanted to write down my own class notes and distribute them to each of the 50 odd students in my class.

That was when I came into contact with the cyclostyle machine. The machine I was led to had this near-universal brand name:

Gestetner

And as usual, I was unsure how to pronounce the damn thing. My tough time with pronunciation of European words started from a tender age...while I was in my third form in school in 1954 in Muthukur. Nehrujee, with his Dove of Peace on his shoulder, was fond of the quite irrelevant UNO...the two big powers, America and Russia, didn't care a hoot for this UNO and indulged in raging hot Cold War. But Nehru loved sending our Indian Army to the UN Peace-Keeping Mission duties in Ethiopia or Congo or Timbuktu. And so we had a lot of lessons on UNO. And they were taught in Telugu.

We had to mug up the name of the then Secretary General of UNO since it was a favorite 'bit question'. His name, in all its glory, courtesy Google, is:

Dag Hjalmar Agne Carl Hammarskjöld,

kindly shortened to:

Dag Hammarskjöld

Now, there is no 'a' sound (like in 'cat') in Telugu and so his first name was transcribed as:

Dog

and there used to be uproar in our Social Studies class till our teacher, Raghava Rao, beat up a couple of backbenchers.

Father pretended to know how to pronounce his last name, as:

Hammersheld

and it was accepted by all of us.  

Since there was no internet and Google in the 1970s at IIT KGP, there was a group discussion on the dining table of our Faculty Hostel how to pronounce the awkward Gestetner. And the Eng Lit gent had his final say, like Thurber's Owl. And he declared for our benefit that it ought to be pronounced:

Jusner

To my eternal shame, that was how I pronounced it till half an hour ago when I Googled for it and got this video: 



It asks me to pronounce it as it is writ:

Guest-et-ner

The chap is German-speaking and German is about the most phonetic of the European languages...


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Thursday, February 27, 2014

Life Before Xerox - 7

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During the utterly frustrating two years of my research scholar-hood between 1963 and 1965 at my university in Vizagh, I did many weird things on the side just to beguile my ample leisure. Like learning to cook on the kerosine stove, a bit of sanskrit, a bit of music (oh, no!), a bit of coaching (most boring), a bit of reading English novels, and a lot of useless thinking.

One day I was scared that my scholarship would soon be terminated and I would be penniless. So I went to the nearby Siva Typing Institute to learn a bit of typing so that I could keep the wolf from the door when needed.

The graying teacher there took Rs 30 as registration fees and led me to the nearest available typewriter, seated me on the stool before it, and helped my fingers to the keyboard....four on the left and four on the right.

And asked me to hit: asdf and jump to g and jump back to f on the left side. And then come left with my right fingers hitting ;lkj and jump to h and return to j. It all looked so weird. And I asked the old man why the keyboard is so funny and why not abcdefghijkl...

He smiled as if I were a moron and replied this arrangement is user-friendly (we didn't trade this word till 3 decades later). Well, if you thought I didn't know it...it is supposed to be 'ergonomic'. 

User-friendly, my foot! It is actually supposed to be typewriter-friendly. Google tells me that the earliest mechanical typewriters had this problem that when you hit neighboring keys too fast (like I in a hurry), the jumping hammers used to get jammed up and stick to each other. 

Like for instance, when you type an 'a' and then a 'n' the most-likely next letter would be 'd' to make it 'and'.

Google Help tells me when I type 'a' and then 'n' I better type the next letter 'd' alright, but in these four possible combinations:

andhra bank
andhravilas
andhra unversity
andhra jyoti

but not the simple 'and'! Google knows that I am hitting my keyboard from Hyderabad. The first help it offers is the most popular bank in Hyderabad, the second one is a much-hyped news portal, the third is my alma mater and the fourth is a Telugu newspaper-cum-TV channel.

While all I wanted was just to type 'and'. To hell with Google Help...

Anyway, when you want to type the most popular word 'and' and want to keep the mechanical typewriter from jamming up, you want to separate the key for 'n' from 'a' and 'd'...that is why the letter 'n' in the QWERTY keyboard is pushed into the right basement while 'a' and 'd' are next neighbors in the left home row.

Mechanical typewriters are now museum pieces but not the QWERTY keyboard...it is there everywhere, even in Ishani's cell phone...like sin.

I had a rather weird thing with 'and'. When I was walking along the Trunk Road of Nellore holding my father's little finger so I didn't lose him, I used to see the wooden board over a  bookshop:

"Venkatarama & Co"

I ignored it for a while but one day I asked him about this &. And he replied:

"It is short for 'and' and is called ampersand"

I left it at that but wiki now tells me:

The word ampersand is a corruption of the phrase "and (&) per se and", meaning "and (the symbol &) intrinsically (is the word) and".

To hell with wiki too!

Anyway, in 1970 when I had this new idea how to teach the abrupt Lorentz Gauge Condition to my students at IIT KGP, I wanted to write it up as a Note and send it to the American Journal of Physics...my first foreign attempt. 

I wrote up the article in long hand and was looking for a typist and was told that our junior office assistant does job typing in his leisure. And I gave my manuscript to him and got it back the next day. I was very glad that he was so efficient and paid him and took the typescript home for inspection. And to my horror, I found that he had replaced about a dozen 'and's in my manuscript with a dozen '&'s.

He was in a hurry.

I wanted to strangle him but I was puny and he was a football fullback.

I was then living in the faculty hostel which had a Remington in its office. I requested our friendly hostel clerk to lend me his typewriter for a night and typed the manuscript myself overnight...it took all of 5 attempts to get it the way I wanted, and about 8 hours.

It went through...thanks to my Vizagh sidekick typistry.

I have this habit of using 'and' dozens of times while blogging. I picked it up from our girl students at IIT KGP. During their grand vivas, they used to demur and try hard to think on their feet and keep talking meanwhile and wave and weave their hands in the air and fill in their gaps by saying "And"..."Like"... "And"... "Like"....

....There are all of 6 'and's in that sentence not counting the 3 under quotes...

To get back to our QWERTY keyboard, the right hand is supposed to start from the middle (home) row letter " ; "...the semicolon. Surprising, since I thought semicolon is much less used than the comma...you have to jump down to hit the comma ' , ' !

There was this weird news item the other day that a renowned Professor of English language recommended that the comma should be abolished forthwith.

Can't imagine English without the most helpful and the most treacherous punctuation mark...the comma...

For instance take this sentence that I read the other day in DC:

"Inquiries revealed that the student was poor, had a failed love affair, was not selected in campus placement, was depressed, and was found hanging in his room by his roommate"

Imagine the same sentence without commas:
 
"Inquiries revealed that the student was poor had a failed love affair was not selected in campus placement was depressed and was found hanging in his room by his roommate"

I would have taken all of 3 minutes to tease it out.

I remember this sentence for quite another reason. It held me spellbound, with commas, for all of 5 minutes alright. That was because of the last leg of the above sentence:

"(he) was found hanging in his room by his roommate"

As you know, I have a very picturesque mind, and on reading this, I was imagining that the poor lovelorn student was not found hanging by a rope or a dhoti or a wire but by his roommate!

Which led me to imagine that the roommate was the first to hang himself by a rope from the ceiling hook, and the poor lovelorn student caught his roommate's legs and hit the stool away and hanged himself by his roommate. A case of double-grammatical hanging.

G. H. Vallins, my English guru by his 'Good English', quotes several such ambiguous sentences culled from pieces by journalists of repute; and the reader is asked to 'rectify' them of their syntactical errors.

The above sentence, I felt, needed plastic surgery from passive to active voice. I would rather write:

"...and his roommate found him hanging"

thereby eliminating the treacherous 'hanging by'...

Reading Vallins is pretty comforting...showing that even Englishmen write poor English often...


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