World Mental Health Day

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World Mental Health Day

Today being the World Mental Health Day, I thought I should write up my own experience of Severe Clinical Depression:

For most of 62 years I was a light sleeper. Between the ages of 40 and 60, I had watched and helped quite a few of my friends who had gone through one or more bouts of Clinical Depression. They had all completely recovered with medication prescribed by qualified psychiatrists, and so I knew that it was eminently curable if diagnosed early and medicines taken regularly with support from family and friends.

But when I myself was struck, I couldn’t at first recognize it, since my symptoms were different. This led to a delay in diagnosis and treatment and caused prolonged suffering and delayed recovery.

It is well known that although there is a genetic component lending to susceptibility, Clinical Depression can hit anyone. It is also well known that though it can be due to a traumatic incident, it can also be caused by a congregation of several circumstances each of which appears individually trivial to onlookers.

In my own case these were:

1. Retirement and relocation at the age of 62.
2. Transplantation from a secure rural campus into an unruly metropolis.
3. Pending family responsibilities.
4. Culture shock due to a sudden shift from an environment of intellectual life of academics to an unaccustomed ‘worldly’ life.
5. Mild financial issues.



I was accustomed to a 20-minute afternoon nap all through my working life. It was refreshing and regenerating.

But one afternoon, I found that when I was drowsy and felt like snoozing, I was struck by an electric-like shock with all its symptoms of heart palpitation; and woke up and couldn’t go to bed again. These attacks went on and a stage had come when I couldn’t sleep at all either by day or by night although I was dying to sleep. And the palpitations became practically a permanent feature.

I never read anywhere nor heard that fibrillations could indicate the onset of Depression, and so delayed going to a psychiatrist. This worsened and made it a severe case. Finally after eliminating all other causes such as heart problem, hypertension etc I myself visited a psychiatrist who at once said it was an untypical case of Severe Clinical Depression (the ‘electric-like shocks’ were apparently symptoms of ‘arousal’).

The treatment started with the routine drugs to cure the ‘biochemical imbalance’ (serotonin uptake), and sedatives; but there was no improvement. My insomnia worsened and after a month of absolutely nil sleep I was becoming crazier than ever. The good doctor tried increasing the dosages but it didn’t help at all. And I was growing more and more despondent. All known tranquillizers in ever-increasing doses were tried but to no avail…….no sleep at all for more than a month.

Finally, late one evening, when the suffering became unbearable, my intimate son and medico wife decided to SOS my psychiatrist, who instructed on phone to buy a tablet of Olanzipine and administer it immediately. I was skeptical and refused but my loving son and wife prevailed on me and pushed one tablet in.




The result was miraculous! Within half an hour I cooled down and slept for the first time in months for a few hours. From the Internet my son gathered that this drug which is routinely prescribed for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia is given in the rarest of rare cases of Resistant Depression when everything else fails.

I continued to sleep well for months but also had pleasant side effects like a sweet tooth (which I never had), an increase in weight over-compensating for the few kilos I lost, a sudden mythical sense of ‘power and confidence’ etc.

The drug was gradually withdrawn and my recovery was steady; and is now complete after nearly 5 years:

1. I found a ‘second string to my bow’ in the form of a literary hobby which helped overcome the ‘useless’ feeling that came upon retirement.
2. I got used to the chaotic metropolis and took to driving on its unruly roads…an achievement indeed.
3. Most of the pending family responsibilities got resolved fortunately.
4. The culture shock is, if anything, on the other foot now.
5. Family finances have improved and are apparently on a sound footing.

I rigorously take the one mild maintenance pill of Dothpriene at bed time which is supposed to ‘protect’ me from future attacks.

Sine Qua Non:

Without the support of family and friends it is very difficult to diagnose and treat oneself. Depression is a vicious circle. In my own case, my relatives, friends, ex-colleagues and students all helped me in various incremental ways unknown to them.



Lighter Side:

My wife and son used to religiously take me to the psychiatrist every week or ten days in the beginning months. The good doctor, apart from regulating the drugs, used to advise me to;

1. Take a walk.
2. Go to a library.
3. Listen to soothing music.
4. Watch TV.
5. Take up some gainful employment.
6. And so on

On the sixth or seventh visit I smiled and the Doctor was curious. I replied that I was feeling like an truant student who comes to the class without doing any of the prescribed ‘home work’. We all had a laugh…but I was bluffing. My smile actually conveyed my feeling that if I could do all those things which he had asked me to do, I would be a normal person and wouldn’t have visited him at all!

Moral:

Depression can manifest with a variety of symptoms, but is ‘curable’ by proper drugs; and needs the support of a capable psychiatrist, understanding family and friends, and ‘luck’. Without these it can be fatal.

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Book of Morals- 3

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Scriptures’re our guiding light,
Wives our homes’ delight;
Harvest’s our labor’s fruit,
Wealth and Pelf this World’s root!
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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Loaded with fruits, boughs bend,
Laden with rain, clouds descend,
Filled with Love the wise befriend;
For kind deeds where is the end?
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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Dreaming sans Doing,
Drinking sans Dining,
Fasting sans Feasting;
Is Flirting sans Futtering!
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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My Own China War

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My Own China War

In March 1962, I stood first in the Mains Physics B. Sc. (Hons) Exams at the Andhra University, Waltair. My friend and benefactor, Linga Murty, (now Emeritus Professor at Raleigh) stood second somewhat way behind (He nonetheless bagged the prestigious Sripati Medal given to the First All-rounder including the Pass subjects Math and Chemistry which I barely scraped through).

And then the Chinese hordes swept Tawang, Chusul and co inflicting a humiliating defeat on our young minds.

The immediate aftermath was that the moribund NCC at our University was reactivated. Students were enticed with a whopping 5% of the aggregate marks to be added for those enrolling for NCC. There was thus a veritable flood from us the Final Year M. Sc.s whose exams were barely a couple of months away. We all thought that if only we slog every evening for a couple of hours at the NCC parade grounds, we would all be in the pink; and we compromised: except one lateral entry offside genius, Trivikrama Rao (later TIFR + NEHU). He took up the challenge that he would spend that time with books and outshine us all.

For two good months we all invented ways and means of cheating the unwonted PT, March Past, ‘dayaee mood’, ‘baayee mood’ and all other bad moods. Creativity of us lazy final year lubbers was met with equanimity from the genuine Junior Leaders, and we all managed to extract the necessary ‘Pass Certificates’.

Final Exams were held in March 1963, and I dropped down to a mean fourth rank, largely because of the Quantum Mechanics Paper. The Cal Univ Paper-setter (I now have reasons to suspect it was SDM, my subsequent Ph. D. guide at KGP) cruelly set 4 of the 8 questions ‘out of syllabus’. I walked out sullenly, but later learned that anyone who attempted those ‘ghost’ questions got 5 marks each gratis.

As expected, Linga Murty stood first and was awarded the Metcalfe Medal. But when the marks lists came out, we found to our dismay that Trivikrama Rao actually stood first sans the 5% NCC grace. I wrote a Letter to the Editor of Indian Express that he too deserves a Prize for his meritorious performance, and was gratified to learn that a Special Prize was awarded to him at a later date (he left for TIFR). Linga Murty left for Cornell.

Those of us who were stranded at Waltair all applied for CSIR Junior Research Fellowships. CSIR used to award at best one or two JRFs @ Rs. 100 each in previous years upon Interviews held at Delhi. So, we were all exploring other avenues too. I lectured part-time at the RSS-run Bharat Tutorial College at a measly but badly needed Rs. 30.

But Chinese invasion woke up the Central Govt too; and our humiliating defeat was attributed to the lack of encouragement for Scientific Research. As a result, all those who applied (22 in all in Physics) were awarded Fellowships at the staggering enhanced rate of Rs. 250 (equivalent to permanent University Lecturers) without any Interview!

And our JOY knew no bounds, thanks to Bloody Red China!

It is a different matter that our University couldn’t withstand the onrushing flood of JRFs with the earlier creaky infrastructure; and many of us had to flee, myself to IIT KGP as an Associate Lecturer with a princely take-home of Rs. 490.

But we did spend a 2-year picnic at Waltair which helped us all get good Govt jobs citing our (frustrating) 2-year ‘Research Experience’!

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Book of Morals - 2

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Lord pervades All,
Truth pervades Lord;
Stick to Truth & fall
Like Christ, Gandhi & odd;
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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Best earn your own bread,
Else father’s bequest;
Worst a brother to request;
Than beg your wife better be dead;
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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Sun blooms lotus,
Moon blossoms lily,
Clouds pour waters,
Great do good willy-nilly;
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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Craving Brahmin & a Content King,
Lusting Wife & a Loving Whore
Will get Nothing
& Go Nowhere
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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Letter to DC: YSR Nallamala Forest

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Sir:

This has reference to the Report on page 3 of 1st October. The proposal to institute a memorial for YSR in the Wildlife Management Division is certainly ill-advised. In a decade or so people will forget, and it will lie neglected and its maintenance will be costly and purposeless. Instead, it is better to just rename the Nallamala forest as YSR Nallamala Forest; like Nellore District has been renamed PSR Nellore District 50 years after the martyrdom of Potti Sri Ramulu for a separate Andhra State. Generations later, people would still be curious as to the who and why of PSR and YSR; and they will be remembered forever.

Book of Morals for the Modern Brahmin with Ancient Values

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Books, Wives & Wealth:
Gone once they’re lent;
Recovered if by stealth:
Torn, Worn & Spent;
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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Learned living’s best,
Honest business’s wealth,
Govt Service’s worst,
Wealth by stealth’s Death;
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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Pauper father, Rover mother,
Ravishing wife like Helen of Troy,
Idiot son roaming hither & thither:
All are Foes & Killers of Joy;
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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Greed knows no mate or date
Lust heeds no fear or shame
Fast knows no taste or plate
Lore heeds no sleep or grime;
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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Works like a Slave, tricks like a Knave,
Looks like a Crore, mates like a Whore,
Feels like a Mom, cozy & warm,
Sharp as a Knife, the Ideal Wife!
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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Age, wage & leaky roof,
Cures, views & sacred rites,
Virtue, vice & clumsy goof:
Hide from public’s prying eyes;
O’ Raadhaa Raadhey Shyam!

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'Hungry' for some autonomy

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Mcuh has been written on the implied 'ethical, moral and intellectual' rectitude of IIT teachers going on hunger strike. The fact is that there is a dichotomy of attitude. There has been a boom in the number of IITs and the student strength in each. When I joined as an IIT faculty in 1965 the Lecture Class had a typical strength of 40. In 2005 when I retired it rose to 350! For quality of attainments, they are compared inequitably with Harvard, Yale and MIT. But student strength, quotas, fee structure, pay structure etc are decided elsewhere. If the elder 5 IITs were completely left to themselves, they would become self-sufficient and more in no time. But in a country like ours it should not be done, because IITs do serve a social purpose. But a limited autonomy in pay structure and academic policies is perhaps not too much to ask for.

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