Sunday, April 19, 2015

Dress Codes

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Yesterday, in its ample wisdom, my government in Telangana ruled that henceforth all school children in all schools here will wear the same uniforms.


That of course drove me all nostalgic about my own schooling in our village Muthukur in the 1950s. We had no uniforms, nor any footwear at all which was scowled upon by everyone as bluff and bluster. 

Nowadays in Hyderabad I see anything up to a couple of scores of uniforms worn by kids boarding their respective buses which fortunately are all yellow in color. Some variety there despite the fact that quite a few wear neckties and all wear pinching shoes and carry massive school bags and all rush out like so many released doves from their cages.

When I was fetching Ishani from her school last year, I had a tough time identifying her...everyone wore the same uniform and all had 'boy-cuts'...and I had a blinding cataract in both my eyes. Luckily, the neighboring school had a different dress code.

Take a look at the Raam, Laxman, Sita pic above. The males are bare-bodied above their waists and have dhotis round their legs and wear no footwear...although I am told that Sri Raamjee gave away his sandals to Bharat as a headgear. Ayodhya must be pretty cold and hot in different seasons and this pic must have been taken at the height of summer.

Sitajee on the other hand is fully covered with a sari-blouse combine and of course all of them are crowned. I have seen many pics of Sitajee without the crown but none of them show her covering her head with a veil (unlike our Congress President for now):






Some historical anomaly there...

If you want to see real jet-black veils from head to foot you should come to the old city of my Hyderabad:



Thursday, February 26, 2009



Streets of Hyderabad


I love her streets
Carts full of fruits
Highs
And Lows
Hoods with double slits
http://gpsastry.blogspot.in/2009/02/streets-of-hyderabad.html


Nor does Radha (or is it Rukmini?) wear a veil:







And of course Krishna is as bare-bodied as Sri Raamjee.

When I reached KGP and made friends with a couple of folks from UP who sometimes invited me to their house, I, a deserving bachelor then with roving eyes, was met with a smile by the young lady of the house who fed me welcome tea and snacks with a well-worn sari. But as soon as her old father-in-law entered their drawing room, the lady of the house pulled a veil over her head like the Congress President above. All this was new to me since neither Hindu nor Muslim ladies in my village wore a veil, come fathers or fathers-in-law or brothers-in-law.

Of course I wore a bush shirt and a pair of pants with a hemmed-in fold at the bottom. But as soon as I was scheduled to get married, my would-be wife sent a message that I have to wear what were called 'bell-bottoms' on the wedding day. And I had to buy cloth for four trousers and get them belled.

Pretty soon male fashions turned to 'elephant bottom', and then to 'parallel pipes' and last of all to skin-hugging jeans which I never wore.

But my wife stuck to her saris till I told her that in Bengal ladies wear 'nighties' at night. And I had to convince her that they were much more convenient than saris at night. After a decade of my preaching she let me buy her a nightie and then on she had a couple of dozen of them bought and worn day in and day out.

And she even convinced my mom and hers own that nighties are nice for oldies who found it tough to wear saris in their 80s.

Gandhi, the original, hardly wore anything worthwhile even when he met the King in London, a cat can wink at a king: 







Not so our Indira Gandhi when she met the Queen in London:







...What I found significant about the photograph was that the elegant Indira Gandhi was wearing a fur coat — a symbol of considerable opulence...the significance was that at a time the Indian government was forever going with a begging bowl in hand to the US to make up for the country’s food deficit, Indira Gandhi didn’t feel any trace of embarrassment displaying her fur coat...




Our rocket scientist was always in his bush shirt till he agreed to become our President provided there was no contest. Our own BJP stalwart (the one who was shot dead by his brother) had to go and plead with him to discard his bush shirts and wear what is called, I believe, Bandh-gala:







But I am told that he stubbornly refused to have his hair cut:


...According to a former colleague in the Defence Research and Development Organisation, which Mr Kalam was head of for more than a decade, the new president is vain about his mane.
"He preens himself before the mirror before venturing out and often pulls a comb from his pocket and runs it lovingly through his hair."...

I am one with our rocket scientist on my hair-wear although no one asked me to wear a Bandh-gala. A couple of years back when I met a taxi-driver who was to carry me and my son to Srisailam on the sad occasion of immersion of my wife's ashes in the River Krishna there, the cabbie took a look at me and exclaimed:

"Sir, you look like our past president!"

And I took it as a compliment.





Of course, much more stubborn was my southie lawyer who declined to contest in the recent Lok Sabha elections shrewdly. He always wore his white and well-starched lungi to our Parliament (no lungi-dance there but): 









Much brouhaha was made recently by the unkind opposition folks when our PM met and bowled his US counterpart in a pin-stripe suit:







But of course they don't appreciate that unlike our past PMs, this one never clung to his costly suit...on the other hand he donated it for auction which fetched a whopping $690,000 all of which went to the cleaning of Gangajee...a speck in her polluted waters.

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Friday, April 17, 2015

Exile & Return

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Exile and Return have always excited me.


Take for instance the 14-year exile of Lord Raam. He did a lot during his exile, like losing his wife, and retrieving her with the help of the Hyderabadi Simian Brigade, and killing Raavan, and conquering the recalcitrant Sri Lanka...what was left of it after his Hanuman burnt much of it with his blazing tail.

On the other hand, he did nothing notable after he returned from his exile. He did establish the Raam Rajya that Gandhi then and the Gandhi-haters now want to impose on me. It lasted for all of 10,000 years by the last count and was as peaceful as the burial ground...nothing much happened, folks didn't steal public funds, there was no swine flu, folks died in the chronological order, no self-acclaimed Yale graduate trying to tinker with my IIT system, no elections, nor any science and technology to kill and destroy cities like Hiroshima, and no displaced Kashmir pundits. And no water crisis like in our Janapriya Nile Valley Township in Hyderabad where we had to flush our commodes with mineral water cans bought at exorbitant black market price for all of a week.

Yes, there was this dhobi alright and it is noteworthy that all OBCs are now coming together to destroy the present Raam Rajya at the center.

On the other hand, the exile and return of the Pandavas is more exciting...they did nothing much during their long exile except acquiring some missiles, but they did a blessed lot after they returned...lots of destruction and instruction...the two seem to go together:








In particular I love their ascent to Mt Everest...all of them save the eldest and their dog fell dead in an anti-chronological order. And I also love the way the Yadav clan (sorry!) perished in Gujerat with their entire city engulfed by the Arabian Sea. And the way Lord Krishna died a fairly natural death unlike that of Lord Raam which I am told was more of a suicide by drowning:


  1. "Disappearance of Sri Ram from earth happened when he entered voluntarily into the Sarayu River. This divine event is described as the death of Lord Rama. The story of the disappearance of Sri Ram is mentioned in many Hindu scriptures. This story of His death is from the Padma Purana."

Even Jesus needed some rest for exile and introspection:




“Then he made the disciples get into the boat and precede him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. After doing so, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When it was evening he was there alone.” – Matthew 14:22-23. 






And then there was this Biblical story of the Return of the Prodigal Son. Apparently this old man had two sons, the elder as wise and dutiful as me and the younger a spendthrift who gambled away all his inheritance and disappeared one day to return a beggar after decades. And his dad embraces him and fondles him to the anger and rancor of the elder son...naturally:








Talking of spendthrifts there is this cute story of Maugham called the 'Ant and the Grasshopper' which is an inversion of the famous Aesop's Fable...Maugham's lazy Grasshopper Brother ends up marrying a rich widow while his workaholic Ant Brother lives and dies in hard work and penury:










And then there was this exile of Siddhartha:







and his return.


It is interesting that 'Siddharth' has only a couple of crore hits on Google:

Siddharth: About 1,85,00,000 results (0.34 seconds)


while his nondescript son, Rahul, has as many as 6.4 crore hits:

Rahul: About 6,40,00,000 results (0.41 seconds) 

Rahul appears to be quite a popular name north of the Vindhyas, although this son of a saint didn't seem to have done much to deserve his fame.

Of course, recently he too has been on a self-imposed exile for all of 56 days and a couple more nights. And has just returned to impose his newly earned wisdom on his nondescript party...maybe like his dad, Siddharth, he would like to address a crowd of shaven heads:









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Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Simian Brigade - Final

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I have now come to the conclusion that our Hyderabadi Simian Brigade is unbeatable in its claims about our glorious past. They have had everything going for them but it is now all gone they know not where.

For instance take the Pushpak Viman of Ravana...they claim it is vastly superior to any airplane built by the hated westerners; for, there is always one seat left in the business class however many tycoons try to fill it up. In fact they claim that the hated Congress party named their jet trainer: 'Pushpak' although it is just a 2-seater.

Then again the congress regime usurped their heavenly voice and named their All India Radio as 'Akash Vani' although their original Akash Vani didn't need such trivia as transmitters and receivers and antennas and radio licenses: 







And the temerity of the Congress regime is unbearable: they named their grainy TV as the Doordarshan whereas the original far-sight bestowed on Sanjay by Krishna in Mahabharat is a hundred times better...everything was visible in a single channel: 








And the laser gun...pooh! Lord Shivjee had already had it in his third eye and the Simian Brigade is awaiting its opening anytime unless you vote for their party and enroll yourself in its vastly growing membership by giving just a missed call:




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Wednesday, April 15, 2015

The Simian Brigade - 5

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And then Father was fond of telling us this story which he called, 'Uttara Gograhan':


At the end of their 12-year forest-exile, the 5 Pandavas and their common wife, Draupadi, had to spend a year incognito without being found out by the Kauravas. Had they been discovered, they would have had to repeat the process of an additional 12-year exile followed by a year incognito...much like an IIT KGP student found out cheating in the final exam having to re-register and pass the course again without copying this time.

So they decided to assume false names and disguises and take refuge in the court of a nondescript king called Virat Raja. Yudhistir got employed as a teacher-cum-entertainer (like me) of the king. Bhim was a cook, Arjun a eunuch dance master (or is it mistress?), Nakul and Sahadev as grooms of the king's cattle and horses, and Draupadi as the queen's beautician.   

For over a year the Kauravas tried their best employing their RAW to find and tease out the Pandavas but failed (naturally). Towards the very end of the final year, word spread that the Pandavas may be hiding in the court of Virat. So the Kauravas hatched a plan to smoke them out.

The younger brothers of the Kauravas with their armies stole and whisked away all the cows of Virat to the northern border of the tiny kingdom...this was just a ruse to ferret out all the armies and the king himself to the northern side to fight the thieves and retrieve their holy cows.

And it succeeded...Virat with all his army drove north to chase away the culprits.

Meanwhile, the entire Kaurava army led by Bhishm, Dron, Karn et al invaded the southern border of the kingdom...like in the Normandy Landings.

And word came to the empty court of Virat that Kauravas were invading the southern side. It so happened that the king's only son, an urchin called Uttara Kumar, fond of bragging, was left in charge of the court. And he was asked by the queen to go forth and fight the Kauravas. And he got cold feet and tried to excuse himself saying that he didn't have a charioteer although there was a chariot...apparently there was a scarcity of drivers in the tiny kingdom like now in Hyderabad. 

Meanwhile Draupadi called Uttara Kumar's bluff saying that the eunuch dance teacher, Brihannala, was a good hobby-charioteer having once been in the employ of Arjun himself. So, Uttara Kumar had to dress himself up and go forth. And he had a younger sister in her preteens, called Uttaraa. And she approached her brother and asked him to bring her some lovely memento of his victory as a gift for her dolls.

And as they drove towards the southern border, the dance-teacher-eunuch stopped the chariot under a shami tree and asked Uttara Kumar to go up the tree and fetch a bundle of weapons that the Pandavas had hidden up a branch of the tree before they took up their incognito. Uttara Kumar went up the tree but dropped down promptly because, instead of a bundle, he finds a corpse hanging up there.
 






Brihannala laughs at the timidity of Uttara Kumar and asks him to fetch the corpse down, no harm. But Uttara Kumar declines and the eunuch had to go up herself and bring the false bundle down and open it and pick out the Gandiva, the famed bow-and-arrow set of Arjun. As Brihannala twangs the Gandiva, Uttara Kumar swoons and had to be revived. 


And as the duo drive towards the invading army, Uttara Kumar catches sight of it ranging from horizon to horizon and gets scared and jumps down the chariot and runs back and Bihannala had to chase and fetch the lad assuring that she herself would do the fighting and Uttara Kumar had to just take up the driver's seat:






And as they approach the vast army, Arjun (aka Brihannala) fires his first salvo which was called the Sammohana Aastra. This had the unique feature that as it approaches the enemy army from above, everyone below swoons for a good fifteen minutes...like it happened in the topology paper set by Prof Jain at IIT KGP in the 1990s.

And as the foot soldiers lie down on the ground as good as dead, Brihannala asks Uttara Kumar to go forth and cut up the ribbons dangling from their headgear. Which he does and brings back the ribbons as the gift-memento he promised to his fond sister.

And the duo get back to their court after the Kauravas wake up dazed and stupefied and retreat with all their armies to fight another day.


The other day there was this news item that a vast rowdy crowd in Hyderabad was quelled by the police who had to use tear gas shells and stun grenades to stupefy the rebels:






And the Simian Brigade of Hyderabad said that the tear gas shells and stun grenades were nothing new to brag about since their Arjun had the much more powerful Sammohana Astra, no?


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Tuesday, April 14, 2015

The Simian Brigade - 4

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And then there was this Father's tall tale about the birth of Ganeshjee.


Apparently one day in the Himalayas a large number of devatas came on a deputation to Shivjee in his Kailas mountain and pleaded with him to kill a ferocious demon called Gajasur, meaning an elephant-rakshas, who was going berserk and running amok.

And Shivjee told his wife, Parvati, that he would be going out on a mission (yet to be accomplished) and would return soon. And Parvati waited and waited for a week but in vain. And Friday arrived and it was the weekly date of shampoo bath for Parvati, like for all South Indian ladies even now.

And the wife and husband were then living in a cave on Kailash that didn't have a proper front door to keep peeping toms away. So, Parvati needed a guard to keep out any males from the entrance. So she took a mound of sandalwood paste and made a figure of a cute boy with it.

By the way all the sandalwood trees in India have been felled and the wood has been sold by smugglers to China which is a country that wants everything in the world, with a voracious appetite. The chap who cut all these trees was called Veerappan...literally an epitome of valor, although he was dubbed a brigand by the police. Poor Veerappan was killed by the police while the baron-politician-smugglers who employed him are thriving. And they have now taken to illegal red-sanders-export to China.

Anyway those days lots of sandalwood paste must have been available in the Kailash mountains and so Parvati had no problem. After she paste-sculpted the figure, she breathed life into it and, lo and behold, she got a son whom she loved and called Vinayak. She then asked this kid to stand at the entrance and forbid anyone to enter the cave, come what may, till she finished her oil-bath.

And meanwhile Shivjee killed Gajasur and beheaded him and carried his elephant-head as a trophy for his wife...curious gifts they had at that time.

And as he tried to enter his own home, Shivjee was asked by the child Vinayak to get lost. And Shivjee was enraged at the temerity of this new kid on the block and promptly beheaded him much like what the fanatics are doing to the British journos now. 

And meanwhile Parvati finished her bath and came out and saw her beheaded son and started crying. And Shivjee tried to console her but in vain since Parvati was inconsolable at the death of her creation. 

And Shivjee promptly attached the elephant-head he was carrying in his hands to the lifeless torso of Vinayak and, lo and behold, Ganeshjee was born.

Father didn't tell us what Shivjee did with the head of Vianayak that was lying on the ground and why he didn't fix it back on the torso of Vinayak thus saving his trophy for his wife. 

Recently there was this news item that an intrepid Russian has agreed to undergo the first head-transplant in the world:
  
http://www.newser.com/story/205382/guy-volunteers-for-worlds-first-head-transplant.html

The Simian Brigade of Hyderabad furiously contest the claim that it is the first head-transplant of the world and point out to the birth of Lord Ganeshjee as the precursor to it; and claim that our Hindu ancestors were the first to invent plastic surgery.


And when they read about the new science of robotics they asked what it was all about. And were told that it is the science and craft of making humans out of lifeless matter: 








And our Simian Brigade laughed away the claim and pointed out that Parvati breathed life into a sandalwood figure long long ago, no!


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The Simian Brigade - 3

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Another tall tale that Father was fond of narrating was what he called 'Saindhava Vadha'. 


While Yudhishtir, like a good student, was keenly listening to his teacher rishis about Dharama during the forest exile of Pandavas, his brothers were bunking classes and going forth to acquire weapons for the upcoming Mahabharat War.

Arjun went to forest and sat in prayer for many months asking Shivjee to appear before him and grant him Pashupatastra. At length Shivjee was pleased but wanted to test if Arjun was good enough to get that missile. 

So when one day he appeared as a tribal running after a wild boar, Arjun opened his eyes and saw the boar but not the tribal following it. So he shot the boar when Shivjee too shot it at the same instant. So there was a fight between the two as to whom the boar belongs...like between India and Pakistan about the Kashmir valley.

Shivjee wins at the end (obviously) and Arjun realizes that the tribal lord was really Shivjee and prays to him...upon which Shivjee grants him the Pashupatsra. This arrow is quite unlike others. As it flies it to meet its object, it divides itself into two arrows and then four and so on like so many cancer cells.

So the arrow never misses the target but is capable of lifting it up and chasing it.

Arjun meanwhile was narrating to his drowsy wife, Subhadra, how to crack, get in and get out of Padma Vyuh (aka Chakra Vyuh) which is something like a battle formation resembling the maze at Hampton Court. And Subhadra dozes off like any wife midway, but the kid Abhimanyu in her womb listens to the first half. Meanwhile Krishna comes and drags Arjun away for a 'Chai pe Charcha' intentionally...Krishna wanted Abhimnayu to get killed in the upcoming Mahabharat War for reasons best known to him: 













So, the day in the battle when this Padma Vyuh was woven by the Kauravas, Krishna once again drags Arjun away this time for a 'Beer pe Charcha', and Abhimanyu like a fool enters the maze and kills many Kauaravas (there were a 100 of them) but couldn't retreat and gets trapped. So, a chap called Saindhava (aka Jayadhrada) kills Abhimanyu with his sword while he was trying to retreat...an unethical thing to do prohibited by the Geneva Convention.


Getting to know this, Arjun vows to kill Saindhava the next day before sundown. And once again by the wile and guile of Krishna, Saindhava who was hiding in a trench, looks up and Arjun sends his Pashupatastra towards Sindhava's head. And it takes up the exposed head and flies away:







It then happens that Saindhava's dad, Vridhakshtra, was doing penance on a hilltop. This chap was as notorious as his son and had acquired a boon that whoever causes to drop his son's head on the floor is instantly killed. So, had the launched arrow with the Saindhava's head dropped it on the ground, Arjun would have instantly been dead...a thing not good enough for the course of the war...Arjun had to kill his dada, Karna, again by wile later on.


So Krishna asks Arjun to send his missile so that the load it was bearing falls in the lap of the praying (with eyes closed) Vridhakshtra...which it did. When Saindhav's dad opens his eyes and sees a human head in his lap, he instinctively drops it on the floor and his own head breaks into hundred pieces...two birds with one stone:








When the multiple warhead re-entry ballistic missile: 





http://www.defencenews.in/news-images/5_img1281214122241.jpg




was invented lately, the Simian Brigade of Hyderabad claimed that their Hindu ancestors knew all about it many thousands of years ago and had called it Pashupatastra...

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Monday, April 13, 2015

The Simian Brigade - 2

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My Father used to narrate Ramayan episodes nightly in exchange for us kids kneading his calf muscles...he had his simian brigade, all of 7 kids who were suckers for his tall tales.

The epitome of the epic was how Rama's monkey brigade built the bridge across the sea to reach Lanka (now Sri Lanka).  

Apparently Rama asked the Sea God (Varuna) to give way. But gods and goddesses are not that easily pleased and Varuna asked Rama to go to hell. And the enraged Rama took out his arrow from its quiver. And then Varuna realized that his entire sea would dry up if hit by Rama's arrow. So he begs pardon and suggests to Rama how to build a bridge across the sea with the help of his monkey brigade.

Apparently one of the monkeys known as Nala was cursed by his father that any stone thrown by him in water floats instead of sinking. This Nala when an urchin was very naughty and used to throw his dad's Salagramams (holy stones used in puja) into the well in their courtyard. And his father had to retrieve them everyday by jumping into the well and looking for the blessed stone in the dark reaches of the sandy bed under the well water...till one day he got fed up and cursed his son. Then on, all that the father had to do was to drop a bucket into the well and fetch up the stone.  

And this Nala became the chief architect of Rama's bridge...all that the monkeys had to do was just to lug boulders and place them one by one in the cupped hands of Nala who would ease them into the sea.

Now we do have our simian brigade that calls itself Vanara Sena in Hyderabad. This comes to life every Sri Ram Navami and Hanuman Jayanti. Members of this brigade dress themselves up suitably and roam all over Hyderabad in autos and cabs:   








I don't know if a Nala is there among them and if it was he that built the famous bridge across our polluted river Musi:









But their masters in Delhi proclaim that my father's tall tale is literally true and they make lots of noise whenever there is a move to demolish a submerged stone-way that abuts the sea there that Britishers loved to call Adam's Bridge and the Vanara Sena calls Sri Rama Sethu:







Also, it has been the proud boast of every member of our Vanara Sena to claim that the technology of every modern invention of the British was actually known already to their ancestors. If you show them an army pontoon bridge and wonder how great the invention is, they pooh-pooh it and say that Nala knew all about such silly stuff:







Well, it just happens that the picture above of the pontoon bridge is that of the Pakistan Army and I am sure our Hyderabadi Vanara Sena will be up in arms with me for posting it in my blog accusing me of treachery if not traitorship. 

Sigh!

But of course the Pak army came to naught when our own Army built several pontoon bridges in their liberation of Bangladesh:





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