Ask Dr GP

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Dear Dr GP: Ours is an arranged marriage, now one week old. My husband loves and adores me and is devoted. But he has this embarrassing habit of ogling comely girls on the street and keeps turning his head when we walk together.
Dr GP: This is as old as Adam & Eve, psychologically speaking. It is known as “Lock-in-Radar Fixation”. This is a passing phase lasting another 60 years. Oliver Wendell Holmes says that Nature expects every man to love every woman but marry only one (at a time).

Dear Dr GP: During courtship, my wife used to hang on to my every joke and laugh uproariously. But after marriage one week back, she runs to the kitchen, bathroom or even neighbor’s house whenever I start telling her a joke.
Dr GP: This is known as “Post-Marital Humor-Withdrawal”. She now feels her husband himself is a big joke. Try telling chuglies about your sisters to regain her attention.

Dear Dr GP: Our 12-year old son insists on barging into our Drawing Room whenever we have new visitors and keeps chattering endlessly. We have tried everything but beating and failed.
Dr GP: This is known as the “Dennis Attention Deficiency”. Just wait one more year till he enters his teens. You will then be complaining that he has to be dragged by ropes and chains.

Dear Dr GP: My husband has been recently promoted and posted to the Traffic Department. Since then he wakes up at the dead of the night, retrieves his whistle from his Uniform and starts whistling in his sleep. It is thoroughly embarrassing.
Dr GP: We call this: “Punjagutta Police Psychosis”. Keep a Rs 50 Note and a Challan book under his pillow. He will soon be ok.

Dear Dr GP: During our courtship my boy-friend was cheerful and charming till he met my mother the other day. Since then he has turned gloomy.
Dr GP: This is known as “Mom-in-law Genetic Depression”. Try your father on him. He will recover sensing that what your father has endured, he too can, if he tries hard enough.

Dear Dr GP: We have been married for a month. My husband daily brings about 50 roses every evening in spite of my telling him not to waste money.
Dr GP: We call this the “Higgins-Eliza Syndrome”. Make hay while the Sun shines. In another month he will be returning late night from his Software job and dumping his sweaty banian in your lap and growl: “Food!”

Dear Dr GP: I live with my charming husband and my wonderful mother-in-law since our one-week old marriage. But every night I have this eerie feeling that my mother-in-law is ever watching me throughout the night. I tried locking our bedroom but to no avail.
Dr GP: This is known as the “Power-Transfer Oedipus Complex”. Try locking HER bedroom.

Dear Dr GP: When she was in her St. Agnes Convent my daughter was writing chaste English. But after shifting to KV, she is mixing a lot of Hindi words.
Dr. GP: This is known as the “Shobhaa De Linguistic Modeling”. Congratulations, your daughter is poised on the threshold of a lucrative career of web-journalism.

Dear Dr GP: My wife keeps watching the Saas-Bahu serials on Zee TV. I am afraid she will be stressed out and depressed.
Dr GP: This is known as: “Smriti-Apashruti”. They wouldn’t be running for years if your fears were well-founded. She is just preventing you from switching over to Baywatch.

Acknowledgment: I reread the monograph: ‘Is Sex Necessary’ by Thurber and White last night.
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