Whist-ling!

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Today Aniket sent me the following story about the Clever Dog:

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In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog.

They are astonished and say: "What a clever dog!"

But the man protests: "No, no, he isn't that clever. I'm leading by three games to one!"

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This recalled my own feeble attempts at card games. During the late 1960s when I was the eternal singleton in the Faculty Club at IIT KGP, there was this craze for Contract Bridge. Everyone wanted to play it and impress everyone else with their skill and profound knowledge in this ‘intellectual’ pursuit. No one was playing for money; they were playing for ‘fame’ in that closed campus. Everyone was rating the others by their prowess at Bridge. Director SRSG played it with our wizard Prof RGC as his partner in the Director’s Bungalow; got constantly rebuked, and thereby denied RGC his last promotion, it was accused. Books by Culbertson and Goren were selling like hot cakes and every other chap used to browse them religiously. Craze and fashion know no bounds!

I was ever repelled by mind games like Bridge and Chess: Ever ready for outdoor games, but not sedentary ones. Better read a Jeeves story or gather wool after sweating it out in the open. I was the perennial runner-up in Badminton and Table Tennis. My guide SDM too shared this aversion to Bridge and Chess. He told me he would rather play with Elliptic Functions or invent a new CG Formula.

As it happened, there was always a 3-some looking for the Fourth Man. They would rope me in, and when I protested I can’t, they would start teaching me. And thrust Culbertson in my hands. I found the book rather diverting. I mastered ‘card values’ and ‘bidding’ but couldn’t ‘play’. The problem was that I could never memorize which card went down and guess which else would be where (I could ‘finesse’ though!).

The three would toss and decide who would draw me as his (or her) partner; and try their best to make me ‘dummy’. This would go on till a ‘regular’ wizard materialized, when I would be kicked out much to the delight of all, mostly me. The trouble with Bridge is its mortal post-mortem. Unending arguments would follow as to who goofed, and there would be bad blood, especially when married couple play as partners. There should be a Law against it. (Joke: “Who is that chap tickling my ankle? Stop it now; unless it is my husband, in which case it is: 3-No-Trumps”)

One evening when I was coolly reading my Oliver Wendell Holmes alone in the Club Library, there was this commotion and Prof RSN, the Club Secretary ran in and dragged me to the Main Hall. Apparently, a game of Whist (or its variant) was scheduled. That required 20 players (5 X 4), playing on 5 tables. As usual the 20th chap didn’t turn up and the thing was held up. I was persuaded to stand by. The players would shuffle partners continually after every Deal so that everyone would get me as his (her) partner once by the time the damn thing was through. And each player would get a consolidated score which would decide the First, Second and the Third Prize. It went like swell and everyone had a roaring time, trying to make me the eternal ‘dummy’. And I retired to the Library after an hour or so and reverted to my Holmes. The Prize Distribution was going on and there was a cry for “GPS, where is he?”

I was dragged back to the Main Hall. RSN asked everyone to clap and amidst much cheering I was awarded a Special ‘Guest’ Prize (A Rs. 10 Note from RSN’s pocket) for making the Event possible and getting a Perfect Score of ‘ZERO’.

I asked RSN to sign the 10 Rupee Note, and preserved it for a long time, till I needed it desperately for a packet of Wills Filter.
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