Fits & Starts

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T. S. Eliot:

"This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper"

.............................http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T._S._Eliot

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Nothing in human affairs is a constant...not even Death.

Around 1985 when the average age of IIT KGP Employees was around 45, LIC came up with a lucrative Group Insurance Scheme, wherein by just signing a monthly deduction from salary of Rs 30, my wife was assured of a cool Rs 1 lakh if I die in harness, before my retirement at 60.

How glad I was!

But then God apparently loved Professors and they started falling off like ninepins in their 50s.

LIC was going at a terrific loss for the goof-up they made in thinking that Teachers don't die young since theirs is a tension-free life.

Not IIT KGP Life!!!

So, in 1995, the Chief of LIC of our Midnapore Circle had to address all the IIT KGP Employees in the Netajee Auditorium and beg with folded hands either to live a Long and Happy Life till 60 or enhance the monthly Premium to a whopping Rs 120 making allowances for the Fourth Pay Commission, Revised Actuary Tables etc.

We all chose to pay the Revised Premium....who wants to live after retirement away from the KGP Heaven?

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Not even Ram Rajya is a constant...it is supposed to expire exactly after 10,000 years to a second by our Tower Clock.

Gandhijee, the most astute politician ever, prayed publicly to bring Ram Rajya back to Independent India.

Well, I love Nehrujee as fondly as I love Gandhijee, but 10,000 years of Fabian Socialism (with Black Market) under him as PM would be a bit too much...5,000 is about the adult dose.

Once, to please my mother (87), I, my wife, my son and our Reddy Driver visited a popular Ashram near Nellore and gifted them Rs 1000. The Swamijee, himself in his late 80s, gave us an Impromptu Discourse for half an hour, which we all loved (these people are as spell-binding as the Ancient Mariner). My wife, son, and Reddy Driver are so impressed that they are pining for a repeat.

Ram Rajya happened to be uppermost in Swamijee's mind that evening...and he described it in great detail, quoting verse after Sanskrit verse.

The salient feature of Ram Rajya is that everything worked as a Universal Constant (till 10,000 years....when I suppose it ended with a Bang like the Autocrat's Deacon-Masterpiece): All people will have to go in the strict chronological order in which they came into this world..no father shall ever see his son die before himself...how wonderful!

Again, no woman would suffer widowhood! This set me thinking: to be consistent with the chronological order thing cited above, wives should be older to husbands. That is wonderful... I read somewhere (and I beg to be corrected) that Sitajee was somewhat older to Ramjee.

Nothing however is said about the Widower-Remarriage....I guess it was approved if the widower can find again an older virgin (because there were no widows) who would die before him and turn him a second-hand widower ready for remarriage to an older virgin....

But I guess we are going in circles, no?

But one should never argue with Swamijees...they do serve an eminent social purpose by instilling immense confidence in the hearts of their disciples like me bitten by this Charming Cobra they call Life (a little pilferage from Maugham there).

Just listen politely and then...blog if you wish to.

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Nothing ever is sinusoidal simple harmonic either in our affairs as of the profane Kaliyug nowadays...not even the climate....what with all this Global Warming and stuff.

Most things are like Sawtooth-Waves....Fits and Starts!

There are two initial phases in the Human-Affair-Saw-Tooths (or is it Teeth?)

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1. Those that start with the Ramp and build up to a crescendo and suddenly detumesce with the Downward Vertical....and the cycle repeating....

The best example was the 2009 Great Indian General Elections.

What a slow but terrific build-up!

All politician Toms, Dicks and Harrys going live on all TV Channels expounding their causes and special virtues and exhorting us to vote for them! And Panel Discussions on every obscure Channel!

And then all of a sudden the Election Commission blanket-bans them 2 days before GE.

And a sudden deafening silence, we not knowing what to watch or do anymore.

Till the Counting starts.

Again a slow but terrific build-up till Soniajee is declared a winner.

Then a sudden silence.

Till the CWG builds up...we are now midway on the ramp.

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2. Those that start with a sudden vertical rise and die down in a slow whimper (of Eliot)...and the cycle repeating again and again...

The best example of this kind is the SEFASA: South East Fringe Area Security Association of the Dandakaranya Campus of IIT KGP:

......http://gpsastry.blogspot.com/2010/09/sefasa.html

Everything would be quiet and happy till a Big Dacoity takes place in one of the C1 Qrs in the Fringe Area.

Next day the GBM of SEFASA would be hastily convened and everyone would agree to revamp the good old petered-out Security Drill.

There is a Night Guard employed semi-permanently (no Day Guard...Ram Rajya during day).

He would be summoned and grilled what he was doing that night when the big event took place. And all alibis would be quashed and he would be dismissed for Drinking & Sleeping (smell him!).

He would then recommend his saalahjee or mamajee both of them teetotalers.... and willing to work for the dirt-low pay the SEFASA could afford...the choice is yours....

We settle on the saalahjee who is younger, somewhat.

And then Teams would be formed again of residents to go forth every night with a whistle (no lathi..that would be provocative and offensive instead of defensive..Law is Law!) to Security-Check on the new (or thrice earlier) Security Guard whether he is doing his night-rounds vigorously or dozing off.

A team of two Faculty Members is never trusted because while on their rounds they would invariably end up quarreling as to Who is the Bigger (like the Wodehouse Captain Biggers).

So a minimum of three would be rostered in advance for the whole month.

First month works fine. The three would forgather at 11 PM and would walk around till 4 AM chatting, squatting, smoking, whistling and telling chuglies about their HoDs merrily.

Then come the Rains with the regularity of Ram Rajya.

One by one Faculty alibis would start piling up, as replacements are rostered for each night.

And then winter would set in.

The enthu would gradually trickle down and the Working Hours reduced to between 2 AM and 3 AM done from home: The Security Guard would have to whistle back as and when the surviving lone Faculty Member in the Team of 3 whistles from his Qrs.

Which he would do since he knows where the Faculty Member of that Night's Duty has his Qrs.

And then saalahjee would sleep off as soon as the Faculty Member does....a merry twosome.

And then a Big Dacoity would take place.....

You know the Drill by now................

I survived at least ten of these Bang-Whimper Saw-Tooth Cycles in my 20 year stay at C1-97.

Till I shifted to the Flat B-140, which was obviously more secure and I was well out of SEFASA (where one night I was rostered with SDM and I had to pay with a Pot of Rosagollas to the Secretary of SEFASA to reschedule it).

I miss it though...what fun and frolic!

My Qrs C1-97 was (or were?) in the middle ground so no midnight dacoity ever took place...only sundry daylight robberies, thefts, purse-snatchings (who steals my purse steals trash...) and brass-tap pilferages.....nothing to blog home about!


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