Orthopedic Ward

======================================================================

1976 January 25

Around noon I got a telegram from my HM Father saying in as few words as an English Teacher could squeeze:

"Come immediately to Madras for ankle surgery"

Good that I knew he was the one going under the ether, with history of a recalcitrant oozy right ankle traced deep into the joint,...otherwise as far as the 'wire' went it could be me.

Went to our HoD, HNB with the wire and got leave for 2 weeks, which got extended to six chaotic weeks, week by week...HNB was my God-Father...if it were XXX, I would have been sacked (I didn't admire his Exact Quantum Electrodynamics of Media).

Reaching Madras on the third morning after a hectic journey I was at once ushered into the Stanley Govt Hospital where the reputed orthopedic surgeon Dr TKS was to perform the surgery next day and I would be the lone body guard...my MD sister and her IAS husband were a working couple with tremendous influence in the city by remote control...they were the Prime Movers for this venture turned adventure.

The surgery went off well enough, and after a day in the sterilized Post-Operative Ward (where cats and dogs were officially denied entry with Notices), we were shifted to the General Orthopedic Ward # 5.

The idea behind admission into the General instead of the Special Ward was sound on all counts...it was 'free', including food and medicine, but more importantly there was always a nurse or two, a house surgeon, sundry ward boys, all 24/7.

Father was allotted Bed # 4 which became famous in a couple of days.

The supreme virtue of an orthopedic ward is that there are no emergencies here...no painful groans either (that was before surgery)...and most patients are like IIT KGP students who used to get admitted to the B C Roy Hospital a day before the End-Sem Exams so that they could take the written test in cool privacy...

Well, all the 28 patients were bound leg or foot and immobilized for six to ten weeks...some with a leg up at angle of 45 degrees stretched with a pulley-weight traction mechanism.

See this video without fail...right away:

http://www.220.ro/funny/LAUREL-HARDY/HvNk0em6do/


**********************************************************************************

All were able-bodied men in the prime of their youth (extending from 20 to 60).

Since there is no pain but plenty of food and leisure, how does one go about spending six weeks in bed till the plaster is removed?

By chatting up one another, singing comic songs, making spiritual love to the nurses who reciprocated famously, teasing ward boys who didn't 'supply' the bed pan if they were annoyed by niggardly tips, smoking anything from beedies to Havanas, sipping spirits occasionally and getting 'punishment' if caught by the House Surgeon...and the works.

The camaraderie and bonhomie were unbelievable.

Father being a strict HM took offense in the beginning, but after getting bored reading the couple of Tennysons he brought with him, became more tolerant and then appreciative and then participative...

After the first week, there was this case of Bed # 18 whose plaster was removed and was asked to get lost in 48 hours during which he was to 'practice' walking which he quite forgot.

He was such a dear soul that the Farewell Party was reminiscent of Phy Dept Farewells to Faculty Members who were the life and soul of the Dept for decades.

Now for why Bed # 4 (Father...no one revealed their given names) became famous:

He would sleep soundly most of the day...and, at night, he would be subject to insomnia and nightmares resulting in frequent shouts of "Thief...Thief..Thief!!!" which was innocuous compared to the less infrequent "Fire, fire, Fire!!!"

There was quite a bit of thoroughly embarrassing commotion during the first week, but then on, everyone would 'miss' Bed # 4's shouts if the Night Sister slyly administered Father a strong soporific tablet so that her sleep was not unduly disturbed...


====================================================================