Bedside Reading

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The other night we attended the marriage of my youngest niece. It was a pleasure to meet many of my cousins and relatives. About half a dozen of them (including my 85-year old Literary Uncle and his sweet wife) were talking to me about their Ishani Collection. All of them said (they have to say something nice) that the booklets are their bedside reading. I didn't press them why since I am too shy.

But I can guess.

First they are handy...just 60-65 pages. Their print is easy on the eyes and binding is good enough so they don't wear out much. There is no continuity of story...they are independent 'pieces'...one can open any page and start reading. The pieces are all short so they can finish one before they fall asleep. They are readable...none heavy and intricate. And, as Supratim implied, they are all comical...no bitching, no moralizing nor pontification...so the induced sleep is hearty...some chest-thumping!

They were asking where is the next Ishani booklet...it is overdue; and when I said I am waiting for a Foreword-Writer, they fell silent eloquently and dissolved in the crowd.

I too always read before I snooze. For long, it was one of RKN's Collections like Next Sunday. Or Thurber's. Or Lear's. Or PGW's short pieces. For a long while in my Faculty Hostel years it was Bhagavadgita in one hand and the last puff in the other...they tended to cancel each other. But nowadays it is the Deccan Chronicle or Times of India. I do have a book case, a steel and glass thing with my meager collection visible whenever I walk by it. Even their sight is satisfying...like the alluring loochies in the marriage feast beyond the reach of my fractured teeth.

Edwin wrote to me long back that he reads in his bed till his eyes 'swim', and then switch off. With me it is not the eyes...when I read, the words sound from within...and when the mind starts losing focus, I hear fictitious words that are different than on the page I am reading. Then I know it is time for my shallow sleep.

I never read Physics books in bed. But I often used to take a physics problem that was resisting; and when I woke up, the solution jumps up from the subconscious...except one which took six silly months.

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Signposts

Diwali here!

And our My Home Jewel Township declared it by hanging a dozen signposts on makeshift barricades reading clumsily:

Designated Area for Firing Cracker

This reminded me of the hilarious piece by Bertrand Russell in Newman's World of Mathematics. It is about the Board Meeting of a Public Park that went on for hours. They were debating what is the best, clearest, and pithiest signpost asking visitors to keep their dogs on leash while they are on the grounds.

The first suggestion was something like:

"Dogs without leash are not allowed"

There was an immediate objection that the signpost should be addressed to the owners rather than the dogs since most dogs can't read English.

The next suggestion was something like:

"Leash your dog in the Park!"

The objection to this was that there may be visitors who don't own dogs, and the signpost demands that they bring one and leash it while in the Park.

And it went on...

Coming back to our Crackers Signpost....Americans with their love for the active voice would amend it as:

"Fire crackers here!"

The objection to this is that an old goon like me who hasn't bought any crackers ought to go back and buy and bring some and fire them here...

Perhaps the pithiest and kindliest would be just to capitalize the American 'here':

Fire crackers HERE!

Any suggestions?

The worst signpost I read at IIT KGP on the Netaji outer walls read:

Ragging is Banned
Ragging is Banal
Ragging is Bad

Apart from the ugly alliteration on B, it is just a statement, and not a Threat that it is supposed to be. You can edit it and have some fun. What about:

Raggers, Beware of Big Brother!

I kept the alliteration on B which our Author was fond of.

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What is that again?

Proud Hyderabadi Father:

"My son is working in the Silicone Valley"

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