Current Account - 3

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So, my son rang up the Lab and asked them what time we should report. And they said, since Fasting Sugar is prescribed and one can't take any food or drink 7 hours before collecting the samples of blood and urine, we should report first thing in the morning at 6 AM. And that night there was a huge thunderstorm and power outage and internet downage and my son returned from office at 3 AM and asked me to be ready by 6 AM pronto and went to bed. Since my son is a deep-sleeper and gets up no earlier than 8 hours after crashing, I figured we would be at the Lab by about 11 AM. And so, I decided to skip my 'meal' but drank 4 cups of Knorr's Thick Tomato soup with six spoons of added sugar and went to bed...to be woken up at 6 AM sharp by someone in the shape of my son catching my shoulder and swinging it like nobody's business.

And we were there at the Lab by 6.30 AM...I with six spoons of sugar and sweet and sour and salty tomato juice right in there where it mattered as far as 'fasting' went. And I kept it as dark a secret as Kunti about Karna...

By the evening the Report came and we were in our GP's Chamber the next morning taking our seats as earlier.

The Doc removed his specs and read the items minutely, passing comments as he went along.

"Sugar is normal...Great! Oh, no! Triglycerides are 3 times more than the allowed maximum..."

And he looked at me severely and pronounced: "Unless you follow my instructions closely, you will soon have a massive heart attack accompanied by cerebral hemorrhage"

I kept duly serious and he listed the precautions I should observe one by one:

"You should completely renounce fatty foods and oils and salt, Haahn! No papads, no pickles, no mirchi bhajas, no dal vadas, no sweets like Mysorepak, laddus, jilebis, jangries, no ghee, no oils, no butter, no coconut chutney, no dal vadas, no bondas, no samasas, Haahn! In fact no fried stuff, Haahn!"

All the while this listing went on I kept as glum a face as an IIT KGP student facing his first grand viva.

Then my son intruded:

"My dad never takes any of these things...still the triglycerides are high!"

The GP rebuked him: "He might be eating all this stuff at night when you are all sleeping, Haahn!"

Then he continued:

"Since you have no sugar, you can drink Tea and Coffee with one or two spoonfuls of sugar...no harm"

My son intervened:

"He drinks one liter of Sprite everyday!"

The GP then said: "Sprite and Limca are allowed but not Coke and Pepsi, Haahn! They have acids...he can drink coconut water without its malai, Haahn!"

And then he wrote down 4 medicines for 5 days:

"This one is to prevent vertigo...one after breakfast, one after lunch and one after dinner, Haahn! This other one is for reducing BP in place of Loram which is not working. He should take this on empty stomach early in the morning. This other one is for reducing triglycerides...just one after dinner, Haahn! And this last one is to prevent heart attacks and cerebral strokes...just one after lunch, Haahn!"

I was sitting with a stony face like Sean Connery in Great Train Robbery listening to the harangue of the Judge:

http://movieclips.com/HioVj-the-great-train-robbery-movie-the-trial/

But my son intruded:

"He never has breakfast, lunch, snacks or dinner"

This shocked the GP for once:

"How does he live?"

"He lies down on the bed whole day, and early in the morning at 4 AM he gets up, scours the fridge for leftovers, mixes a bit of sabji and a lot of dal in a bowl, pours 2 glasses of water, adds salt and sugar, heats the damn thing for ten minutes in the micro and laps it up"

The GP is by this time chastened and asked:

"No rice?"

"No"

"No wheat?"

"No"

"But why?"

"My dad lost all his working teeth"

"But why doesn't he go for false teeth?"

"Oh, he doesn't like any falsehoods, hee hee hee!"

The GP keeps mum for a second and says:

"Anyway, let him take these medicines whnever it suits him and meet me after 5 days"

My son opens his wallet and asks:

"Thanx, Doctor, how much shall I pay?"

This sort of brings the GP down back to earth and he says:

"No, nothing! I never charge within 7 days"

And then we both get up, but not before my son says:

"I forgot to tell you, Doctor...he has been on anti-depressants for the past 7 years"

"Oh, why didn't you tell me before? Take him to his psychiatrist immediately"

"No, no...he is ok that way...he composes one English Essay everyday and posts it on the net"

"What was he before he retired?"

"Professor"

"Of English?"

"No...Physics"

And we turned back at the door to bid our GP a fond Bye...but found him staring at infinity...like a burglar stunned without notice by a blackjack hit from behind on his bald head...


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