************************************************************************************************************
There was a news item recently that India is the fifth most corrupt country in the world. It was immediately contradicted by people in the know that the data was manipulated and India is indeed THE most corrupt country...apparently the rating agency was bribed into downgrading India.
That is because while corruption in most other countries operates on the single-window basis, here it is multi-window, multifarious...you have to bribe your way to get to know whom you have to bribe at every stage.
Our youthful starry-eyed ex-prime minister, responsible for bringing in the Color TV-Computer Revolution into this country, is reputed to have confessed that only 10 paise reaches the common man to whom a whole rupee (100 paise) is bestowed by his government.
Unfortunately, before he could do anything about it, he was dethroned by vested interests who imputed unproved corruption charges against him in the purchase of proven field guns in collusion with the PM of a European country. It is a sad coincidence that both the PMs were assassinated before they could prove their innocence.
If you want to taste the Indian 'system', the best way is to try and cook your meals in Hyderabad. You can't get kerosene for love or money because it is issued only to poor people...and the common man in India is no longer poor, officially. That is because the Big Boss of the Planning Commission came out with data that the average daily earning of an Indian stands at Rs 40 while everyone can live comfortably in the city of Hyderabad on Rs 35 only...saving a whopping Rs 5 per day, for a rainy day. There was a big uproar about it but, you know, statistics is like that.
When, in 2004, my son shifted to Hyderabad (along with his mom), he walked gingerly into the nearest cooking gas agency and pleaded for a new connection, with a Rs 1000 note as bribe in his pocket. But he was amazed that the dame at the counter gave away 2 new cylinders to take home without asking a single rupee extra. When I came to know it, I fainted, and thought that Hyderabad is a veritable heaven free from corruption in the most vital sector.
It turned out that India was Shining then...temporarily...
In due course my son got married, and had a cute kid. And our joint family living under a single roof with a single kitchen exploded in number to 5 (actually 6 since an infant's need for cooking gas is paradoxically double that of an adult...the best way for you to figure it out is to have a kid...go ahead!).
By then the shoe-shine of India had vanished and global recession had set in. And cooking gas in Hyderabad went out of market. Unofficial restrictions were imposed by gas agencies that no new cylinder can be booked 20 good days before the delivery of the old cylinder. And the waiting time for the new cylinder was a month and more. And my wife was on perennial tenterhooks that she would run out of gas any moment and Ishani would go without her boiled milk.
So I was debating what to do, and found myself riding an auto. It is my habit to befriend autowallas and so I got talking about my gas problems to him. And he laughed me away and told me that that he has 3 gas connections and 6 cylinders from different gas agencies in his single kitchen in Dabeerpura. And he had only 4 members in his family (and no infant). I was aghast and asked him what he does with all his extra cylinders. And he said he sells them at double the price to roadside eateries. And I asked him if it wasn't true that tea-stalls on the road were not supposed to use domestic gas cylinders but industrial ones...he stopped his auto, looked back, and laughed uproariously.
The next day, I visited our gas agency and pleaded with the agent to allot me a new gas connection with 2 extra cylinders whatever be the cost, with a wink. And he put on a straight face and asked me to go to hell since he was a law-abiding citizen and follows the golden rule:
"One kitchen...one connection!"
These chaps know whom to trust...
Meanwhile we shifted house to a rented apartment in an NRI gated community. And with great difficulty I got my agent to permit me to shift my gas connection to the new locality. And when I met the new agent with a 'transfer request', he told me to go to hell since the said NRI gated community has piped gas...apparently he bid for that piped gas connection and lost the contract to his rivals.
And, within a year, we shifted to our own EMI gated community carrying with us the two vintage full cylinders. And we got our own piped gas connection famously (paying over Rs 20,000 for the connection...the builder had to build the gas bank and lay the pipes).
And we had our 2 old and filled cylinders lying in the balcony threatening to explode in the hot summer sun of Hyderabad. So we went to the old gas distributor and put in our papers and asked him to take his cylinders back. And he inspected our papers and said that the connection has 'lapsed' since I didn't book with his agency for more than the regulation 3 months. And I retorted that he refused to book when I offered earlier...but he said he couldn't book since we had piped gas...Catch 22222222
Someone told us that the right way to get rid of our 2 full frightening old cylinders is to contact the gas-boy who delivers. Which we did. And we would have been happy to get rid of them for free...anything but exploding gas cylinders.
The boy visited our home and we made him sit on our prime sofa...he was the most honored guest of the moment. And he said he could get a buyer, but even after bargaining hard, he couldn't get the prospective buyer to offer more than Rs 2000 for each cylinder!!!
We were truly flabbergasted...and gave him a whopping tip of Rs 500 that pleased him much. And before he took away the cylinders after giving us Rs 3500, he asked for the gas papers. And I was stunned and asked him if he was going to find some way of renewing the connection in his name!
He smiled and said:
"No, no...they are to show to the policemen who try to arm-twist us of theft"
And my joy knew no bounds...we were rid of the fearful cylinders and were using our own fabulous piped gas connection...no dragging and pulling...just turn the knob and push the lighter...till yesterday morning when I tried to make my morning cup of tea (my son and his family being on their thanksgiving vacation in Kerala).
Nothing happened. I tried lighting our stove with matchsticks, and also tried tightening the battery compartment of the distributor...still nothing happened...no gas.
I was relieved that I was alone...I don't eat any cooked food till the evening. And had my tea in the neighborhood tea stall.
But there was pandemonium among the 400 odd families with kids, who were waiting for the gas truck to arrive and refill our gas bank. Nothing happened. Word came that the truck was on its way and got jammed in the traffic.
Around 2 PM I saw dozens and scores of pizza-boys rushing in on their bikes and delivering pizzas to our starving households. The neighborhood Pizza outlet was doing roaring business.
I then recalled that a couple of days ago the pizza-agent (accompanied duly by our security man) visited each and every apartment in our community, rang the doorbell, and distributed colorful leaflets announcing a whopping discount for his new pizzas...
*************************************************************************************************************
That is because while corruption in most other countries operates on the single-window basis, here it is multi-window, multifarious...you have to bribe your way to get to know whom you have to bribe at every stage.
Our youthful starry-eyed ex-prime minister, responsible for bringing in the Color TV-Computer Revolution into this country, is reputed to have confessed that only 10 paise reaches the common man to whom a whole rupee (100 paise) is bestowed by his government.
Unfortunately, before he could do anything about it, he was dethroned by vested interests who imputed unproved corruption charges against him in the purchase of proven field guns in collusion with the PM of a European country. It is a sad coincidence that both the PMs were assassinated before they could prove their innocence.
If you want to taste the Indian 'system', the best way is to try and cook your meals in Hyderabad. You can't get kerosene for love or money because it is issued only to poor people...and the common man in India is no longer poor, officially. That is because the Big Boss of the Planning Commission came out with data that the average daily earning of an Indian stands at Rs 40 while everyone can live comfortably in the city of Hyderabad on Rs 35 only...saving a whopping Rs 5 per day, for a rainy day. There was a big uproar about it but, you know, statistics is like that.
When, in 2004, my son shifted to Hyderabad (along with his mom), he walked gingerly into the nearest cooking gas agency and pleaded for a new connection, with a Rs 1000 note as bribe in his pocket. But he was amazed that the dame at the counter gave away 2 new cylinders to take home without asking a single rupee extra. When I came to know it, I fainted, and thought that Hyderabad is a veritable heaven free from corruption in the most vital sector.
It turned out that India was Shining then...temporarily...
In due course my son got married, and had a cute kid. And our joint family living under a single roof with a single kitchen exploded in number to 5 (actually 6 since an infant's need for cooking gas is paradoxically double that of an adult...the best way for you to figure it out is to have a kid...go ahead!).
By then the shoe-shine of India had vanished and global recession had set in. And cooking gas in Hyderabad went out of market. Unofficial restrictions were imposed by gas agencies that no new cylinder can be booked 20 good days before the delivery of the old cylinder. And the waiting time for the new cylinder was a month and more. And my wife was on perennial tenterhooks that she would run out of gas any moment and Ishani would go without her boiled milk.
So I was debating what to do, and found myself riding an auto. It is my habit to befriend autowallas and so I got talking about my gas problems to him. And he laughed me away and told me that that he has 3 gas connections and 6 cylinders from different gas agencies in his single kitchen in Dabeerpura. And he had only 4 members in his family (and no infant). I was aghast and asked him what he does with all his extra cylinders. And he said he sells them at double the price to roadside eateries. And I asked him if it wasn't true that tea-stalls on the road were not supposed to use domestic gas cylinders but industrial ones...he stopped his auto, looked back, and laughed uproariously.
The next day, I visited our gas agency and pleaded with the agent to allot me a new gas connection with 2 extra cylinders whatever be the cost, with a wink. And he put on a straight face and asked me to go to hell since he was a law-abiding citizen and follows the golden rule:
"One kitchen...one connection!"
These chaps know whom to trust...
Meanwhile we shifted house to a rented apartment in an NRI gated community. And with great difficulty I got my agent to permit me to shift my gas connection to the new locality. And when I met the new agent with a 'transfer request', he told me to go to hell since the said NRI gated community has piped gas...apparently he bid for that piped gas connection and lost the contract to his rivals.
And, within a year, we shifted to our own EMI gated community carrying with us the two vintage full cylinders. And we got our own piped gas connection famously (paying over Rs 20,000 for the connection...the builder had to build the gas bank and lay the pipes).
And we had our 2 old and filled cylinders lying in the balcony threatening to explode in the hot summer sun of Hyderabad. So we went to the old gas distributor and put in our papers and asked him to take his cylinders back. And he inspected our papers and said that the connection has 'lapsed' since I didn't book with his agency for more than the regulation 3 months. And I retorted that he refused to book when I offered earlier...but he said he couldn't book since we had piped gas...Catch 22222222
Someone told us that the right way to get rid of our 2 full frightening old cylinders is to contact the gas-boy who delivers. Which we did. And we would have been happy to get rid of them for free...anything but exploding gas cylinders.
The boy visited our home and we made him sit on our prime sofa...he was the most honored guest of the moment. And he said he could get a buyer, but even after bargaining hard, he couldn't get the prospective buyer to offer more than Rs 2000 for each cylinder!!!
We were truly flabbergasted...and gave him a whopping tip of Rs 500 that pleased him much. And before he took away the cylinders after giving us Rs 3500, he asked for the gas papers. And I was stunned and asked him if he was going to find some way of renewing the connection in his name!
He smiled and said:
"No, no...they are to show to the policemen who try to arm-twist us of theft"
And my joy knew no bounds...we were rid of the fearful cylinders and were using our own fabulous piped gas connection...no dragging and pulling...just turn the knob and push the lighter...till yesterday morning when I tried to make my morning cup of tea (my son and his family being on their thanksgiving vacation in Kerala).
Nothing happened. I tried lighting our stove with matchsticks, and also tried tightening the battery compartment of the distributor...still nothing happened...no gas.
I was relieved that I was alone...I don't eat any cooked food till the evening. And had my tea in the neighborhood tea stall.
But there was pandemonium among the 400 odd families with kids, who were waiting for the gas truck to arrive and refill our gas bank. Nothing happened. Word came that the truck was on its way and got jammed in the traffic.
Around 2 PM I saw dozens and scores of pizza-boys rushing in on their bikes and delivering pizzas to our starving households. The neighborhood Pizza outlet was doing roaring business.
I then recalled that a couple of days ago the pizza-agent (accompanied duly by our security man) visited each and every apartment in our community, rang the doorbell, and distributed colorful leaflets announcing a whopping discount for his new pizzas...
*************************************************************************************************************
No comments:
Post a Comment