Escapism

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Confession Time.

On most issues that bother Intellectuals and are endlessly debated such as political, economic, sociological, religious, linguistic and scientific, I am like the proverbial photon.

You know photons: As soon as God said: "Let there be Light!" these chaps were born plentiful. If you now take a rough count of how many photons are whizzing right now in our Parochial Universe, it will come out to be SOME number.

If Bill Gates were to offer that many dollars (even the weak-kneed ones of today) to me, as he is trying to do daily in my Spam Folder, I will certainly say: "NO!".

Like Feynman said: "That is an offer you must refuse".

That many dollars would spoil me (and my wife too; don't tell her but!).

Photons are diabolical or angelic depending on your taste.

If you drill 2 identical holes in a sheet and tell your photon (who is restless and is always traveling on LTC, particularly during Puja Holidays):

"Now, now, I am looking: go through either Hole A or Hole B", the chap will take one of the two. Put him again through, and he is as likely to take the other, equally happily.

If you say: "Get lost, I am tired of looking", he will take BOTH the holes each time.

It is tough to say whether he is monogamous or bigamous, or both.

In our teens when we were at the University, there would always be a raging debate, leading to blows: "Who is more beautiful: Madhubala or Meena Kumari"?

Almost as if you have to marry one of them for life.

Meena Kumari was the Classical Beauty; Madhubala the Ravishing Beauty.

I was quite unconcerned and declined to take sides, till I was cornered: Then I would vote for either one in exactly equal number of times. I was accused of being the Eternal Escapist and Uncultured.

But in the few instances that concerned me, like: "Will you teach First Year Optics or Final Year Solid State", I would always choose First Year Optics without batting an eyelid; although if I were forced I guess I would have gulled the Solid State equally well.

During the late 60s Bengal was going through a turmoil, which persists till today.

Bengal surely is a Restless State; like an Assembly of so many photons.

Well, we were in the Faculty Hostel, each of us considering himself (the lone lady, the Russian Teacher Scherbakova ran away) an Intellectual of the First Water (what are those waters by the way? I have to Google).

And there were fisticuffs on the vexed Language Issue, Naxalite Movement, Nirad Chaudhuri, America vs Russia, Mohun Bagan vs East Bengal; and you name it, there would be a cussed debate.

And I would sit, smoke, and listen.

Occasionally I was asked to take sides. I make a quick count and take the losing side; that would be fun.

When I was a bachelor, I didn't have a vote (Bhote!!!).

But as soon as I got married, my wife wanted a Vote for both of us, prompto.

And I pulled some strings and got ourselves enlisted in record time (The Councilor was our student).

Then on my wife would insist I take her to the Voting Booth in Hijli High School every now and then first in Manindar's Rickshaw, then on our Bajaj Chetak and finally in our Maruti Car to please her.

Not that she had any political commitment: she couldn't care less.

But she loved the ritual: going out (Tata jabi?) in a new sari, getting the ink dot on the finger and keeping it as long as she could, meeting friends and foes, gossiping, taking Tea, smiling at every Polling Agent...the entire Tamasha.

And I could hardly be the Spectator Quark: I too had to join the line and vote.

Till now she refuses to tell me whom she voted for (Secret Ballot). Women love secrets, most of them never earth-shaking.

Nor would she ask me.

And I invariably voted Congress for the Assembly and CPM for the Parliament.

Because, Congress was in the Minority in the Assembly and CPM in the Parliament.

Also, a dose of Capitalism would do good for Bengal, and Communism in Delhi; moreover it is only the CPM who could ensure that our PF Funds, Pension Funds and ULIP Funds are not embezzled (although I am not sure of ULIPs).

If you label me Escapist, you are right.

But in those very few decisions in my Personal Life, I never wavered nor sought advice. Many used to call me: "As hard as Nuts & Bolts".

For instance a definite and sustained "No" for Wardenship, Headship, Deanship, which were offered now and then; but "Yes" for Directorship which fortunately for everyone, was never offered.

Moreover, as someone said: "The finely tuned mind sees both sides of every issue, and even a third or fourth side".

Portmanteau Words like Wikipedia, Amtrak, Slithy, Mimsy have their quaint charm.

During the Babri tme, Raam Bhakts of the Campus (except RSS whom Raam loved too early and too well and whisked away) used to pin me down in the street and persist: "Shastryjee, did Raam exist or no?".

My standard answer was: "It depends".

"On what?"

"Whether the question has to be put to test in the First Year Lab, Second Year Lab...Final Year Lab or Microscience Lab (the last one belonged to the Director)".

No doubt I was hated by both sides...but to me the question was not, nor is, MOMENTOUS.

I love Tulsi Das Ramayan chanted in Sleeper Compartments by UP devotees traveling on pilgrimage to Rameswaram ; but that seems to be neither here nor there apparently.

Unlike: "Do you believe in enhancing pension every six months?"

"Decidedly".

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Like the Upanishads are fond of saying, there is also this on this Secret Ballot thing":

Russia was vexed and irritated by the constant American ridicule and nitpicking about not having Voting by Secret Ballot; and decided to conduct a one-time Election with Secret Ballot.

This old lady had her cute finger ink-dotted, given her Ballot Paper, taken her thumb impression, given the folded paper, pushed into the Ballot Box; and asked to get lost.

"Can I please see to whom I am voting?"

"Nope: Don't you know it is a Secret Ballot?"

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