The law is truly an Ass!

Those were the eons when telephones were a monopoly in India and new phone connections took more than a year to realize; for love or money, so I thought.

The landline in my late father’s name developed a serious problem. Outgoing calls were working fine but incoming calls were no-go; apparently the relevant lines had to be rerouted. Folks at the Exchange told me that it could be done only by making an application to the ‘big boss’ of the town. I made the application on behalf of my father and met the gentleman in his office, tunneling through many barriers. As expected, he grunted who I was and, what was the matter with me, without lifting his head.

By then I knew my tricks. My province has little heavy industry, and less mineral wealth. So, ‘Education’ happens to be the largest industry; and parents are ready to invest fortunes on the higher education of their kids.

And, ‘I.I.T.’ is the password that opens steel gates here….’Open Sesame!’

So, I just mumbled that I was a Professor at IIT KGP. That electrified him, and he looked up with alacrity, shooed away all his minions, offered me a seat, told me that his son had scored such and such a score in GATE, and asked me if I could counsel him how to get M.Tech. admission at KGP. The score looked good and I named the branches where he would surely get in (I was then thorough with ‘our system’). He thanked me, ordered coffee, and asked to know the purpose of my visit. I narrated my story and pulled out the application from my pocket and handed it to him.

He pondered for a while and suggested that I apply for a new phone connection in my name rather than go through the hassles of getting the old one rerouted, since that was in the name of my father who was no more. I stuttered that the queue for new connections was apparently more than a year. He said that that was for ‘general public’, not for eminences like IIT Professors (I now know that a similar privilege is also there in S.B.I., and I am what is charmingly termed: ‘Visesh Customer’; as hybrid a term as would turn G. H. Vallins in his grave).

I was amazed. And, he pulled out and filled up an application form, asked to affix my signature and shell out Rs.1000, filled up the Bank Draft form, sent out his peon to go to the Bank and get the receipt, and ordered the lineman to install a new gleaming piece by the evening.

I was stunned.

I then asked him what to do with my father’s phone. He said I could fill out the requisite form, surrender the phone and get the deposit refunded, but there was a hitch. Since my father was no more, I would have to affix a copy of his Death Certificate, and get the signatures of all my six sisters (legal heirs). I replied that that was impossible; they are scattered all over the world. I suggested that I could afford to forego the deposit (which was a measly Rs.200 way back when it was installed). He shook his head and said that there is no such provision:

If a phone is officially surrendered, the deposit HAS to be refunded.

There was no way I could surrender it; and if I didn't, I had to keep shelling out monthly rents and bills for a half dead phone.

Catch-22!

He then recommended that I forget it, keep on using my father’s phone as much as I wished for the outgoing calls, but pay no bill. And in due course (six months or so), the law will take its own course. His lineman would go over to our home, disconnect the defaulting line, pick up the piece and go away.

Wasn’t it Dickens who wrote: ‘the Law is an Ass’?

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P.S. The piece was indeed taken away after six months, but the final bill listing all dues for a final settlement, and threatening police action, came last month, after a lapse of nearly a decade. Fortunately, the P&T also went hi-tech and computerized all its operations meanwhile; so I could pay it on-line in a jiffy. The fact that BSNL is under constant threat nowadays from more efficient (even if less socially responsive) private operators does help. For the first time after many centuries, India is tasting the fruits of good old competitive Market Economy. So far so good!

I must also mention that things have changed in our state (A.P.) during the past decade. "I. I. T." is now passe and is no longer the password it was, what with the proliferation of IITs, our own state acquiring a brand new one. The password now is: "My son is a software professional". But I guess it will soon change to "Finance, Banking, or even Real Estate". A decade ago, everyone here would brag: "All my children are settled in the U.S.". That was the summum bonum of life. I guess it wouldn't be so sooner than later, what with Bush screwing up everything.