Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Cracking the Grand Viva (Sonoo’s Tip)

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Cracking the Grand Viva
(Sonoo’s Tip)

Disclaimer: The following hint is based on the imaginary experience of an imaginary student facing an imaginary Grand Viva in an imaginary Department of an imaginary IIT.

Grand Viva is defined as the unpleasant experience of a lone student with a giant blackboard on one side and a bunch of at least 10 combative teachers on the other.

The first thing you should know is that the Grand Viva Room is a Battle Field where 11 egos fight one another.

As such, your entry into the War Room is fraught with palpable tension.

It is a cauldron of intellectual boiling soup which you are cordially invited to plunge in.

The thing is to ‘dodge’.

Let me explain: Each salvo that each teacher fires, it is hoped, mortally wounds the other 9 (the victim should try and stay an innocent bystander). If there is 1 question allowed for each teacher, this makes for a clash of 90 egos (literally a blood bath, if my math is right).

So the first step is: ‘Release this Unbearable Tension’.

This is done as follows:

Enter and clean the blackboard (strewn with the remains of your predecessor).
Turn around and coolly await the first bullet.

You should NEVER try to face this virginal assault frontally:

Look out the window.

Then stare at the blackboard pleadingly, with your back to the Inquisitors.

Turn around and look down (tears optional).

Rub your chin poignantly.

Stand on the other leg.

Look straight into the eyes of the assaulter.

Shake your dumb-head slowly like a cucumber swaying in a storm.

Utter the golden words: “THIS, I don’t know”.

You won the battle!

All the tension has dissolved.

You are up by one grade.

Rest is up to you.

At the end, slowly utter the words: “May I please try the first question?”

They’ll say: ‘Not needed’.

You are up by one more grade.

You are through!

Celebrate!

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