Physics of Sex

==================================================================

One Engineering student at IIT KGP told me on their Hall Day that they have a ‘funny’ notion of their Physics Profs’ approach to Sex.

I asked him: “What the devil do you mean?”

“We guess they think of it as any other Lab Experiment starting with Aim, Apparatus, Schematic/Circuit Diagram, Procedure, Results, Analysis, Precautions & Viva Questions”

I assured him that they are absolutely wrong and we have much more ‘fun’ than his Engineering Profs who only know the Mechanics and Hydraulics of Sex.

The original bacterium must have had a lot of ‘fun’ splitting itself into two identical twins (otherwise why should it go to the trouble?). The daughters may quarrel who is the younger, but they know that they have devoured their mother in the process.

I hear a lot of debate about Sex Education these days. It is an oxymoron (two opposites juxtaposed). I mean, if you concentrate on the Education part of it, Sex vanishes; and vice versa.

At the end of a promised North India tour for my parents, after visiting Gaya, Varanasi, Sangam, I had to take them to Puri, Konark and Bhubaneswar. My wife said she would join this leg with our 3-year-old son. Those days OTDC was the only safe thing in Orissa, but it required ‘pull’ to get its services. My good friend Prof BKM, who comes from the Royal Family of Orissa (you can guess what the M stands for) was willing to help provided I ‘sincerely’ answered one question he puts to everyone at the end of the tour. I said ok.

By the time we reached Konark, it was midday, the Tourist Bus Driver gave only half an hour, my wife declined to get off the bus saying she had had enough of temple-hopping (she is a medico and so had all the wrong kind of Sex Education dissecting corpses of both sexes and assisting Deliveries), my father insisted he wouldn’t remove his sweater in the boiling Sun God (my mother told me later that he keeps his money in his shirt pocket), my deviant son who insisted he would walk on the busy Dalhousie Square (before it became the dingy BBD Bagh) refused to get off my head on the spacious beaches of Orissa; and so it was a all a heck of a punishment for me.

At the end of it BKM fired his favorite Viva Question: “What is the MESSAGE of the millennial Konark Temple?” My reply was: “Straight Sex is a BORE!”

Prof STA told me one day during the boring JEE Script Evaluation that I should go and request Prof RGC to narrate his favorite joke about the Memsaheb & the Sardarjee. I asked him if it was bawdy enough for me. He assured me it was. But, I said, RGC is a fair and balding Bhadralok with three beautiful grown-up daughters who were all our students. He replied it didn’t matter. But he insisted I keep staring at his fair face before he delivers his punch line. I asked why. “RGC himself would blush pink; and it would be a sight to see”. I said ok and went over to RGC and asked him to tell his joke with the bait of my share of free Rosogollas. RGC (who had a pleasing stammer) agreed:

“This Memsaheb who was touring India with an English-Hindi Dictionary asks this Sardarjee neighbor in the Sleeper Compartment: ‘Daya karke pecchhab karneki jagah dikhaiye’. RGC blushed before his Sardarjee did and said: ‘Pahle thoo dikhaa!’.”

He volunteered with this extra literary joke: “A Shakespeariana Theater Company came up with this Ad: ‘Six famous Shakespeare plays tomorrow!: 1. Wet; 2. Dry; 3. Aborted; 4. Three Inches; 5. Six Inches; 6. Nine Inches’. Decode them”. I pretended I couldn’t. Once again the same purple BLUSH and his stammer: “1. Midsummer Night’s Dream; 2. Twelfth Night; 3. Love’s Labor’s Lost; 4. Much Ado about Nothing; 5. As You Like It. 6. Taming the Shrew”

Come on Engg Profs!
=====================================================================