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In our school days we were constantly admonished:
"Don't come up with lame excuses!" (కుంటి సాకులు)
Lame excuses have a way of self-propagation:
Teacher: "Why didn't you do your home work?"
Girl: "Hurricane lamp was turned down"
Mother: "Kerosene stock was down"
Father: "Salary didn't arrive"
DEO: "Education Secretary was on leave"
CM: "Center didn't release funds"
President of India: "I am just a dummy! All financial powers are with the PM"
PM: "Busy fighting Didi in Bengal "
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...And then I went to our University at Waltair, where there was this English Teacher, SK Sarma:
Whenever a student asked a question, he would cup his earlobe and say:
"Pardon!"
I didn't understand why he was seeking my pardon, till I figured out that he was pretending he couldn't hear the question and was too clever to admit:
"I don't know the answer"
This ruse never worked at IIT KGP where our students were smart and would shout their questions aloud.
The teacher would then say:
"Tomorrow"
That "tomorrow" would never arrive. But the students never insisted...they were more clever...they knew that Teachers have 20% marks in their pockets, called "Teacher's Assessment"
That deaf-pardon is very different from this angry one:
"I beg your pardon!"
which was the standard rebuke of our London-PhD Prof BC Basu when someone in the hostel said (rightly):
"Bengalis are kanjoos"
At KGP, I also learned the meaning of
"Excuse me please!"
when uttered by a lady from behind us when I and my friend were gossiping in the verandah. It meant:
"Stupid fellows! Give way! Get lost!"
The best "Excuse me!" I heard was from Dean Martin in the funny movie 'Silencers' when he utters it politely before thumping a fatal blow on the back of the villain when he was bending.
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In my Professor's Interview I tried my best not to come up with a lame excuse when the expert asked:
"Tell me now! Why didn't you guide any student for PhD?"
"I am incapable of that"
"Why?"
"I myself took all of twelve long years to do my PhD"
"That is no excuse"
"Guiding research scholars is a bore"
"Do you mean all of us who guide research scholars are fools?"
" :) "
In spite of my utter honesty I was promoted, for reasons more political than academic :)
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Only saints resort to 'square' excuses unlike the 'lame'.
When asked why there is so much Evil in God's Creation, Ramana Maharshi (who was known for his profound silences) said:
"It is inscrutable" (a euphemism for "I don't know").
Ramakrishna Paramahamsa was not known for his silences. Being a Bengali he was garrulous. He would always come up with a tall tale (manufactured by him).
When asked the same question he narrated this story:
Arjun finds Bhishma Pitamaha shedding tears on the death-bed of arrows he himself made when requested by the grand old man for a Dunlop Mattress.
And Arjun asks Krishna:
"Why is this wise man is crying? Scared of death?"
"Why don't you go and ask him?"
"No! Beta! I am not scared of death anymore than you are. I was wondering why Pandavas have to go through so many trials and tribulations even though they had the constant company of Sri Krishna, the very incarnation of Vishnu. I can't figure out the blessed answer. And so I am crying at my inability"
:)
Lord Buddha was asked:
"Is there God?"
" :) "
"Is there no God?"
" :) "
That smile of Lord Buddha is also known as the "Abu Dhabi Smile", a term coined by my friend Professor NP Rao. Apparently his senior colleague Professor GL Sinha went shopping once in Abu Dhabi (on a stopover) for a pen of a popular brand. The first shopkeeper smiled but didn't move. GLS stood waiting for a couple of minutes and shifted to the neighboring shop and asked for that same pen. That shopkeeper also smiled but didn't move.
Then GLS understood...
I saw this in the face of Mohinder of the Thackers Bookshop in our IIT KGP. When asked for a book, if he has it, he would purse his lips, put up a grim face, go inside looking for it and fetch it.
And he would smile charmingly if he didn't have it.
But he would never say; "Not now" like ladies.
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In our Shankarabharanam Telugu Poets' Group there are many poets, and poetesses (like my fond sister) who when confronted with a flaw in their prosody (ఛందోదోషం) come up with lame excuses (కుంటి సాకులు) such as:
"I was sleepy"
"I was hungry"
"I was watching TV"
...instead of saying (like their honest teacher, Shree Kandi Shankarayya garu):
"It was my fault...pardon me" (పొరపాటు నాదే...మన్నించండి)
...but of course he is a saint ;)
EXCUSE the punctuation in the beginning of that long (ఛందోదోషం) sentence :)
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There is this cryptic verse from Kenopanishad:
నాహం మన్యే సువేదేతి నో న వేదేతి వేద చ
యోనస్తద్వేద తద్వేద నో న వేదేతి వేద చ
(I do not think that I know it well; nor do I think I do not know it.
He who amongst us knows it, knows it, and he, too, does not know that he does not know)
It sounds nonsensical like the Jabberwocky of Lewis Carroll; but it is NOT nonsensical, say pundits who know it but do not know they do not know it :)
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Jabberwocky
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