My India 15- 1950-55

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Before again ranting against the vice-grip of planetary superstitions on South Indians, let me post the latest addition to my vocabulary (2 days young):

A decade ago, a Campus Lady at KGP told me off: "What if my son couldn't make it to the 'Double IT'; he has got admission into the latest 'Triple IT' at Hyderabad".

That there was a new IIIT, one 'I' better than the old and unkempt IITs was news to me. Upon inquiries I came to know that the extra 'I' stood for 'Information'. Since I had already digested 'Information Technology', I forgot about it.

The other day, I had an invitation from a 'University of Knowledge Technology', named after you know who, to do something or the other. I got to know that 3 of the Triple IT's have now been clubbed together to form this newfangled 'University'. To me 'Knowledge' has always been associated with the Tagore poem which we had to mug up in our Class XI ("where knowledge is free").

I felt sorry that it is sinking into a buzz-adjective.

All at once (like Wordsworth and his Daffodils) my mind ran riot and could clearly see the new Babu who took over this Ministry ringing for the poor Registrar and taking a Viva on the difference between 'Information' and 'Knowledge'; the Registrar giving a weak smile in answer, upon which the Babu triumphantly announces; "Knowledge is Processed Information".

The word Information is peremptorily scratched and replaced with Knowledge forthwith: 'Information University' wouldn't ring true for the Babu.

I suppose the opposite of 'Knowledge' being 'Ignorance', the old IITs should take appropriate steps to rechristen themselves.

Regarding 'opposites' I have this true story: Our 'Complex Variables' young and snobbish Tutor at AU, in his very first Class posed this question: "What is the opposite of a Positive Number?" All of us nitwits echoed: "Negative Number". Upon which he gave a wise smirk, shook his head, and said; "Non-Positive Number". The crook meant that you have to include 'Zero' too. Then the smart-aleck of our Class stood up and declared that his Course should be called: "Unreal Variables". Our Tutor's face grew red when all of us joined in uproarious laughter.

Reverting to astro-pathology, the days of our AP week are divided into: 1. Inauspicious, 2. Chalega, and 3. Auspicious.

The 'Inauspicious' set has two entries: Tuesday and Saturday. Nothing can be started on these two deadly days. I fell sick on a Saturday and had to be admitted to the Best Hospital at my mother's town as an emergency. In an emergency, all rules are relaxed (I might die of dehydration). It turned out to be a Hospital for Labor and Pediatrics. The Surgeon examined me but couldn't find anything wrong with my womb. So, he kept me on Saline thinking that I would be ok like any other child in his Ward. Didn't bother to mix any medicine in the Saline. On Monday night, my mother and her learned daughters and their local husbands were in a hurry to get me discharged that night itself, the next day being the inauspicious Tuesday. Against my will and my wife's (who is a Doctor of Microbiology and knew that the bacteria haven't given up their hold on me yet). They didn't relent. I was wheeled home; and promptly readmitted the next morning. Then my Madurai Wizard Doctor rang up the Pediatrician and asked him to mix some Metrogyl and Ciprofloxin in the drip, kindly. I got ok in 24 hours. And had to pay for 60 bottles of costly Saline and two vials of cheap Antibiotics.

Regarding Saturday, even my Bihari Dhobhi, Rasoi Lal at KGP had his Theory. Just before I quit the KGP Campus for good in October 2005, there were a series of unending 'Katrina' type downpours and inundations, first in Bombay, then in Calcutta and finally in Madras. I was caught literally with my pants down. My luggage left for Nellore by road and I was stranded at KGP. That was a Saturday when the Calcutta thing started. Raosi declared that such cataclysmic heavenly events that start on a Saturday would last a full week till the next Saturday. He was pretty close. For, the Madras thing was taking shape and the two joined hands and formed what the Meteorologists gleefully termed the rare phenomenon of 'Earthworm-Cloud System Formation', with picturesque Satellite evidence to support them. Although I was sinking myself into a Deep Depression of a non-heavenly variety, I smiled at the Pilgrim's Progress of Meteorology (Remember ours was a Department of Physics & Meteorology, even now); naturally, they upgraded their own 'Science' into an 'Atmospheric' one. My Dhobhi was a wee bit away from his prediction: the thing cleared by Friday next.

3. Auspicious: This set has only one member: 'Thursday'. I am happy for it. Because it is named for Brihaspati, the Guru of Gods. Being in the teaching profession, I am tickled all over by the respect shown to Teachers.

2. Chalega: The other 4 days.

That is not all: Each day of 24 hours is split into first two: Night and Day. All nights are inauspicious (but for emergencies like you know what).

That leaves the 12 daytime hours. Here one is not supposed to start any business in these categories: 1. Rahu Kalam, 2. Yama Gandam, 3. Varjyam, 4. Vaarashula, plus sundry things like Chndra Balam and Tara Balam.

Obviously, if all these are eliminated, nothing survives and one had to stay indoors day and night and make merry. That being unpractical, all have agreed that only Rahu Kalam need be taken seriously. This lasts for 1.5 hours each day of the week. I happen to know the uncanny Rule.

In mid-May a couple of years back, I was tending to my 86-year-old mother, who has an iron will, when she fell ill and got bedridden, something that happens rarely. And, in the hot and humid Gudur, there were unpredictable and insufferable power-cuts. The fans in the afternoon would suddenly come to a grinding halt. I implored her to let me install an 'Inverter'. She declined saying that it was an unwonted luxury and she doesn't deserve such a hi-fi expensive gadget at her age. No one can argue with her when she gets into that mood. So, when she goes to sleep and the power goes phut, I used to take up a hand-fan (plastic punkha) and keep the sweat away from her face. Whenever she woke up, she used to look at me doing the Casabianca business and felt shy. The third afternoon, she said: "Ok, get the damn thing installed, because I feel too shy to be served by you".

I jumped up, before she changes her proverbial female mind, and ran to the Electrical Bazaar. There was just one piece left with the shopkeeper, the demand being heavy. I bought it at once paying Rs. 12K cash down and asked the chap to send his best 'contract' Electrician forthwith to our house.

In half an hour the chap came and as expected, he was a Nazeer (they dominate plumbing, electrical, tailoring, tinkering etc skilled labor jobs), with a full beard and a skull cap. As I said repeatedly, I easily make friends with them. Both of us went to the Electrical hardware outlet and bought all the wires, switches etc. Coming home, Nazeer kept aside all his tools and sat on the cement bench. I was getting impatient and asked him why he wasn't starting the wiring. He promptly replied; "There is another half an hour to go before the Rahu Kalam of the day ends". I was surprised that even Muslims of AP observe this unholy Kalam. And I told him that I don't believe in this stuff, so he should go ahead and I would risk it. He then said quietly that the risk was not mine but his: "Electrical works with 220 Volts can be fatal, so we wouldn't take chances".

I was suitably chastised for my uppishness.

I then offered that we both go to the Tea-Shop to while away the half hour. He politely declined saying that it was the month of Ramzan.

I was again rebuked.

By the evening he finished his work beautifully, tested it and was going away. I asked him how much was his 'payment'. He said: "Whatever the shopkeeper says". I rang him up and he quoted; " Rs.300 should do sir".

But I felt he deserved more and paid him Rs. 400. He took it somewhat reluctantly and left.

Within ten minutes, he was back: "Sir, my wife asked me to at once go back and return the extra hundred: It is the Holy month of Ramzan".

I had to take back my extra hundred and pocket my impious gesture.

No comments.

Anupam and his batch tomorrow.


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