Rainy Day

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"Misers may be difficult people to live with but they make great ancestors"

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Since I never understood Money, my views on it are suspect.

But this Post covers things other than Money and there I am as good an authority as my mythical neighbor XYZ.

Miserliness (Kanjoosi in chaste English) is inborn and shouldn't be condemned: it is like Sugar or Hemophilia.

I am told that rats are born Misers. Their affinity and efforts to hoard are legendary.

On the other hand, squirrels are supposed to be like gps: Carpe Diem (Seize the Day!) & Squander the Night!

The above mantra to Carpe the Diem is, I guess, the basis of the US Economy as of now. Things were different before the Great Depression of the 1930s. The Puritanical Work Ethic was epitomized by Classical America of the 18th and the 19th Century (Autocrat & Mark Twain).

Victory in the First World War changed all that. Since then Americans tried to make money without working....I mean....work as they knew it earlier, and started Gambling on the Stock Market Day & Night and also on the fly, investing in East Asian Markets while driving on the US Highways equipped with all colors of Berrys & Bananas in their pockets, thinking it was hard work.

Then came cyclical Depressions and Recessions followed by a Revolutionary Concept called Keynesian Economics which told the US Government, and, Government of the US being by Americans, for Americans, and of Americans, its Citizens to spend mindlessly like gps and stop hoarding like XYZ.

This is typified by that Marilyn Soap that was manufactured in the US in the good old days when soaps were manufactured in America: As you keep rubbing the Marilyn Soap on your body you keep seeing the growing picture of Marilyn Monroe progressively nuder and nuder till ultimately.....

The American Economy boomed and so Japs bombed and strafed Pearl Harbor imposing an unwilling World War II on the US till two of Jap's innocent cities were bombed out of existence by Theoretical Physicists like gps.

America never looked back on the Spending Spree till Credit Cards replaced Dollars which are expensive to print and whose working life was miserably low...as such American Greenbacks and their Postage Stamps are among the worst things ever printed by Man.

Slowly the Credit Card Culture became such a menace that their Manufacture is threatening to be outsourced to China (which, if it sneezes, Obama will catch Meachles).

China I suppose is now the legendary Kanjoos (Hyderabadis are thinking of sending their only daughters to China for 5 years to study Oriental Medicine & Kanjoosi!).

But I digress:

This mythical neighbor of mine (Prof XYZ) was what can only described as a Virulent & Aggressive Kanjoos ;...Kanjoosi was his Sword-Wielding Religion.

He would beckon to me from across our common fence and rebuke me for buying a sari each month to my wife and a toy each week to my only son; saying in so many ruddy words that I am spoiling the nukkad culture: his wife and sons are pestering him citing me as an ideal husband-father. He would say that he knew very well that I am a lower-middle-class Brahmin (He was upper-middle-class Brahmin...this thing is sounding very like a 3-tier Sleeper Compartment); and that I should Save for a Rainy Day (this being the Motto, Logo, Anthem, Headline, Topline, Waistline and Bottomline of all Aggressive Kanjooses...RAINY DAY...they would ask you to save even in the Sahara Desert).

But these Aggressive Kanjooses make good Treasurers of sundry Societies; since they are Pass-Bookworms by birth.

When they used to descend on me in my Qrs for collecting the Durga Puja Subscription, I used to tell the Secretary that I would contribute exactly Double of what our Treasurer XYZ contributes; and there would be uproarious laughter all around till the Secretary admits that if everyone does it, the Revenue would be so many Double, Triple, Quintuple........ Zeros.

And XYZ would whine that he is contributing his Labor and Precious Time, isn't he?; but would never let anyone else do it.....

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So much for Money Kanjooses...

We know very well of Umbrella Kanjooses....these are well described by RKN in his 'piece' Umbrella Devotee who has five of these but wouldn't lend even one without strict injunctions and misery. I am a little better; although I wouldn't like to part with any of my dozen, I would proffer Rs 200 (the price of a decent Hyderabadi Umbrella) as a hand-loan (without a Pro-Note).

Then there are Book Kanjooses....they wouldn't lend even one of their Collection of a Thousand Books...I lost all my 55 Penguin Wodehouses during the 1960s thinking that I would be spreading good-humor all round...the only thing I spread turned out to be bad-blood...

Then there are Time Kanjooses: typified by my Guru SDM's remark: "I love visiting People's houses...but the Catch is that they tend to return my visits"...

Then there are Praise Kanjooses: they tend to feel that they would be doling out from their hard-earned & hoarded Praise-Bank-Balance if they spread it here and there...

The there are Marks Kanjooses....these tend to think that there are only 100 Marks in their pocket and they should be careful spending them. My Principal-English Teacher-Uncle GVS, in 1958, came out of his Home Office and shook my tiny hands congratulating me for getting the highest number of Marks in First Year English in the Quarterly Exam Paper set by him. I asked how many?...and was told: "Fifty-Six" in a gloating Voice.

[Those days, folks getting High Second Class (between 58 and 59) were sought after as the most eligible bridegrooms destined to become IAS Officers. The one-in-a hundred First Class (above 60) was looked down upon, because at best he will earn a Ph D and become a Poor Teacher @ IIT KGP good for nothing else..maybe not even for Teaching but only for Useless Research].

Then there are Beauty Kanjooses... in their Dictionary there are no words like: Beautiful, Lovely, Splendid, Thank You & Sorry...They are like Reserved Compartments.

Finally there are Literary Kanjooses:

Nino describes a scene when his Class VIII son Albertino announces that their Teacher read out one of Nino's Stories in their Class that day.

With a Thumping Heart Nino asks his son the Million-Dollar Question of any Writer-Father to his only Son:

"How was it?"

"She reads well"

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Post Script: Albertino grew up to become a Project Manager in a Software Firm @ Hyderabad and changed his name to Sonoo....


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