Mediators & Moderators

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Listen to some words of worldly wisdom from Thurber (of all people):

"...Speaking of puppies, as I was a while back, I feel that I should warn inexperienced dog-owners who have discovered to their surprise and dismay a dozen puppies in a hall closet or under the floors of the barn, not to give them away. Sell them or keep them, but don't give them away. Sixty percent of persons who are given a dog for nothing bring him back sooner or later and plump him into the reluctant and unprepared lap of his former owner. The people say that they are going to Florida and can't take the dog, or that he doesn't want to go; or they point out he eats first editions or lace curtains or spinets, or he doesn't see eye to eye with them in the matter of housebreaking, or that he makes disparaging remarks under his breath about their friends. Anyway, they bring him back and you are stuck with him---and maybe six others. But if you charge ten or even five dollars for pups the new owners don't dare return them. They are afraid to ask for their money back because they believe you might think they are hard up and need the five or ten dollars. Furthermore, when a mischievous puppy is returned to its former owner it invariably behaves beautifully, and the person who brought it back is likely to be regarded as an imbecile or a dog hater or both...."

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Now listen to some words of worldly wisdom from gps (of all people):

Shakespeare said: "Neither a borrower nor a lender be" or some such thing.

I say: "Neither a (selfless) mediator nor a moderator be...you will get it from both the sides, like the ass that came in the way of two fighting rams"

Human relations (except between Teachers and their UG students who got Ex grades) are fraught.

The day after my parents celebrated their Golden Wedding Jubilee, I heard my Father mutter: "I was not told that you are such a nag" to which she retorted: "I was not told that you are such a kanjoos makkhichoos"

Thirty years after my own marriage, my mother apparently accused my sister who acted as mediator of our alliance: "You didn't tell me that my would be D-i-L doesn't take bath before entering her kitchen". And my sweet wife, on learning this, told me: "I was not told that craziness runs in your family" (she was referring to my precious Depression). To smoothen ruffled feathers, I agreed with my wife that my sister was solely at fault (poor chump!)

If you want to mediate, be professional and charge the parties at every turn. Before Matrimonial Websites came up, our good old Purohit used to be the match-maker. He would charge both the parties for every effort of his, in the name of preparing (suitable) horoscopes and making several (mythical) trips to and fro. If the alliance clicks, sky is the limit...it is taken for granted that he would perform the wedding ceremony pocketing cash at every turn from both sides. If the couple fight irreparably after a few years, he would help getting the divorce decree, mediating custody of kids and settling alimony; and finding new alliances for both the parties, all for a premium. "The show must go on!" was his motto.

Before online sites caught on, Hyderabad streets were full of stickers on every lamp post giving the mobile numbers of professional brokers who help in rentals and sale and purchase of property. When we had to move from a tiny 2-bedroom affair in SR Nagar to a suitable 3-bedroom apartment in view of the impending marriage of my son, I just rang up one number and a young chap on his ancient mobike landed up at my place in minutes and asked me where I want to go, how big a house I want and how much rent I could afford. And he pocketed Rs 300 assuring me it would be a cakewalk. And seated me precariously on his pillion seat and took off. The first landlord he showed me (he too employed him) asked me: "How many are there in your family?" "3 right now and my son would soon get married and then it is 4" "And then the kids will come, no? Sorry!"

And the young broker took me to two other such stupid chaps and told me he would return tomorrow. And tomorrow when I rang him up, he never answered...300 for three attempts.

We got our lovely 3-bedroom apartment near Banjara Hills through our IIT KGP connections...it is said that an elephant fetches the same amount whether it is alive or dead...after his death, the ivory can be smuggled out. Likewise, IIT Professors are worth the same whether they are in service or retired or hopefully dead...

I doubt if there is anything called an 'honest broker'...Angad went to Sri Lanka to mediate between Lord Raam and Sri Raavan, but of course he was Raam's man. Krishna went to Hastinapuri to broker Peace between Pandavas and Kauravas, but Gandhari accused him (rightly) of promising War to Draupadi before he set forth (she wanted her share of blood).

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Mediators and Moderators are familiar to Modern Physics too. I am told that when two charges interact, they do it not through vacuum but with the help of mediating photons (virtual or real). And of course, all those graphite rods and swimming pools of heavy water are supposed to 'moderate' nuclear fission so it doesn't go crazy...till a tsunami strikes.

My project Student, Porus, was facing his Project Viva on frame-dragging and was simplistically comparing it with the swimming pool vortices that led Schiff (like Archimedes) to jump out of the Stanford swimming pool in the nood when he got that satellite gyro idea. And Prof GDN asked him, rather teasingly, "What is new about swimming pool vortices?...Everyone has seen them". And Porus smiled condescendingly and answered: "In the pool it is the water that mediates, while in the Stanford Gyro Experiment, it is the Spacetime!"

TBG, who was sitting beside me, turned to me with wide eyes and exclaimed sotto voce: "ki darun uttar diyecche...sir ke silent kore phelechey!" and marked 100/100 in his chit.

That is the power of jargon!


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