Friday, February 14, 2014

Size Matters

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As I narrated many times earlier, the tallest American President (in every sense), Abe Lincoln, was once asked how long a man's legs should be. And he wisely answered:

"Long enough to reach the ground"

Meaning, height doesn't matter to become an American President. 

Google tells me that James Madison was the shortest of American Presidents, standing at just 5' 4". And he served two consecutive terms and is hailed the 'Father of the American Constitution' 


Often the actual height, weight, and age (MKS) do not seem to matter much...at least in conjugal relationships. Amitabhji once sang a song that all sizes of wives have their uses...and he should know.

I was the host in the Wedding Reception of my son held at the heritage Taj Mahal Hotel on February 20, 2008. That reminds me...day after tomorrow is their sixth wedding anniversary and I shouldn't forget to sponsor an eat-out.

Anyway many of my friends and relatives attended the Reception I was talking about. One of them is my younger cousin on my Father's side. He was then a serving High Court Judge and was aptly reticent. While leaving however he congratulated me for upholding our family tradition. I had no clue what he meant. And he clarified:

"All males on our side of the family are a foot or so taller than their wives"

That almost sounded very khap.

Indeed, this seems to be the norm in the olden days when boys of the family were better-fed and looked after than girls...I know of a few instances where this partiality was quite open. Of course there is the genetic factor too.

In our campus at IIT KGP most men were taller than their wives. There were a couple of very short men, way shorter than James Madison, standing 4' 6" in their shoes. But they did succeed in finding even shorter wives. There was only one exception to this Markownikoff's Rule but it turned out to be a happy 'revenge' love marriage and so it doesn't count.

In olden days in our families, there was also this rule that women shouldn't laugh aloud in the presence of men...they should at best half-smile, to keep their graceful dignity intact.  Indeed my two girl-classmates at my Andhra University rarely smiled, forget about laughing.

Things changed happily when I went to Bengal in 1965. Bengali girls were emancipated a century earlier. And they laughed as loudly as the boys, if not louder.

P. G. Wodehouse, the Milton of Metaphor and  Shakespeare of Simile, wrote thus about Clarice Fitch:

"A laugh like the screech of a parakeet in the jungles of Peru broke from her lips"

Not that he spared men either:

'Me too,' said the headmaster. 'Beastly laugh he'd got. Like glue pouring out of a jug.'

...I never heard the sound made by glue pouring out of a jug...may be it sounds like: 'blub...blub...blub...cluck'...  

As for weight, DB told me that, after he lost his mom at a tender age, he was looked after with a vengeance by his fond boudi (elder sister-in-law) who promised herself that the child DB shouldn't miss his mom. So by the time he passed his M. Sc. from Calcutta, he grew to be more than 100 kg (according to him). And he told me that one of the reasons he shifted to Delhi for his Ph D was to stay in a hostel and reduce his weight. When he joined IIT KGP back after 5 years at Delhi, he weighed less than 50 kg...and smoked like a chimney. He told me that he never had breakfast at Delhi and ate just one roti each for his lunch and dinner.

I didn't actually see a man weigh 100 kg till I retired and shifted to Hyderabad.

One evening I was standing patiently in a waiting line in front of an ATM kiosk at S R Nagar when it was being painstakingly reloaded. There were a dozen odd boys and girls in the line. And one of the girls discovered a display-only type weighing machine by the side of the ATM kiosk.  And stood on it and inserted a one-rupee coin and the digital display showed her weight. And others followed like sheep. A rather hefty man then joined the end of the line and by and by stood on the platform of the weighing machine and inserted his coin... which promptly was shot back through the slot provided. And he was mystified and thought that the machine had gone out of order. Till a slim girl stood up and checked her weight successfully. And the man again tried and the machine again spewed his coin back. Everyone was mystified till it was found that the display had only provision for 3 digits...up to 99.9 kg.

As for age in the animal kingdom, I had this piece of useful knowledge imparted to me by my younger sister:

We were strict vegetarians and so knew nothing of chicken and mutton. And there was this famous song in the Telugu Movie, Donga Ramudu (Ramu, the Thief), that had the line:

"I made for you this ara kodi koora (literally 'half-chicken curry')"

My younger sister who had stayed in a girls hostel at Tirupati before joining me at IIT KGP asked me:

"Guess what is meant by 'half-chicken curry' "

I ventured a guess:

"A curry made of half of a chicken and costing half of a full chicken"

She laughed and said:

"No, no! It is the curry made of a chicken which is half-grown...strangled when it is at half the age of a full-grown chicken. And so, very tender unlike the tough fully grown chicken, and costs twice as much"

Once again I am reminded of the latest khap-dictum:

"If rape is to be eradicated from our society, girls have to be married off before they mature"

Hmm! 

Coming to the size of books, I split the fat Webster Dictionary that my friend NP gifted me and got it bound in 2 volumes (A to M...and N to Z) of nearly equal size. I was forever reading Webster when I was at KGP for fun. Indra apparently told this to his colleague at Princeton and thereafter she always referred to me as: "Your Dictionary Professor". Quite a compliment. 

Supratim wrote sometime ago that if he were made the Minister of Printing he would pass a law that every book produced hereafter should be like my Ishani booklets...half A-4 in size, having no more than 65 pages in all... 

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