Vague

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'Bertie!' he gurgled, in a devout sort of tone, 'Thank God!' He clutched my arm. 'Don't leave me, Bertie, I'm lost.'

'What do you mean, lost?'

'I came out for a walk and suddenly discovered after a mile or two that I didn't know where on earth I was. I've been wandering round in a circle for hours.'

'Why didn't you ask the way?'

'I can't speak a word of French.'

'Well, why didn't you call a taxi?'

'I suddenly discovered I'd left all my money at the hotel.'

'You could have taken a cab and paid it when you got to the hotel.'

'Yes, but I suddenly discovered, dash it, that I'd forgotten its name.'

And there in a nutshell you have Charles Edward Biffen. As vague and woolen-headed a blighter as ever bit a sandwich...

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That was Bertie talking about the vagueness of his pal, Old Biffy.

All of us know the dictionary meaning of vague. But not what IIT KGPians meant by 'vague' during the 1990s.

In a rural campus like KGP, before the advent of the fast internet and Google, teachers used to be the object of idle talk of their students when they were fed up with all other topics like movies and sports.

My son was then in his fourth year M Sc and I caught him one day chatting about one of his teachers to his mom. And he was saying:

"Oh, she is vague"

I got curious and butted in and asked:

"Who is vague?"

"Prof ABC"

"You mean, her concepts are vague?"

"No; her concepts are hazy, but not vague"

"Her handwriting is vague?"

"Her handwriting is ugly but not vague"

"Her speech is vague?"

"Her speech is screechy but not vague"

"Is her dress-sense vague?"

"She has no dress-sense"

"Then what is vague about her?"

"Nothing in particular...I mean she is vague"

I gave it up for an hour since it was becoming like the 'choss' of RKN's grand-nephew...you won't find 'choss' in the dictionary though.

At the dining table I tackled my son from a different angle.

"Is Prof XYZ also vague?"

"No, she is nuts"

"What about Prof LMN? Is she vague?"

"No, she is cool"

"Tell me another teacher who is also vague"

"None, Prof ABC stands alone"

I gave it up for good. 

I had seen Prof ABC for 3 decades and we knew each other by sight. Once we exchanged a few words at the Nescafe counter about X-ray Spectroscopy. But she didn't appear vague about it.

A year later when my son was in his last semester and had already got his job-offer, the landline phone rang in my Qrs B-140. There were no cell phones then and all we had were campus phones. The phone protocol in our house was that my son would run and lift it and speak in whispers. When he was away, my wife would lift it and answer about the maidservant. No phone call ever came to me on my campus phone.

That morning the landline rang when my son was away and my wife was in her bath. Since I was sitting by its side, I lifted the phone and said:

"Hello!"

A female voice spoke:

"Shreenath?"

"No, this is his dad"

"Ask Shreenath to return my book this evening positively"

Then I laughed somewhat uproariously since I thought it was one of his many girl batchmates. And said:

"Sure, but WHO are you?"

"Prof Shastry, you have known me for 3 decades and I am surprised you don't recognize my voice"

That voice was on the point of choking...with anger.

"I am Prof ABC...and you have insulted me"

"Oh, Professor, I am so sorry. You see there is a lot of distortion in phones and so I couldn't place your voice. I am indeed sorry. And I apologize"

"I am seriously hurt...hoon hoon hoon"

Bang went her phone down...

It was only then that I understood what my son and his classmates meant by 'vague'...

 
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