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Mom's stark but majestic upma made out of suji semolina (Bombai Rava) soon conquered the hearts of cooks of our wedding feasts and funeral rituals. And banished and usurped the throne of the millennial favorite of our fasts and breakfasts...the doughty idli that held sway till the 1950s. Wiki has a mammoth entry on idli with a 'history' column tracing its origins from 700 CE to date, while upma is dismissed with a skimpy mention...an 'also ran' impostor with little history and less heritage to speak of.
Mom (92) tells me that in her childhood our Telugu brahmin weddings ran for all of 16 days and nights. Gradually they dwindled to 7, then 5, then 3 and now 1.5 days.
And our funeral rites ran for all of 13 days. While weddings are prearranged and joyously advertised, announced, and invitations sent to near and dear, funerals generally arrive without notice. And the custom is that no one is 'invited' but the near and dear are just 'informed' by bland black on white cards, and when necessary by telegram and then telephone and now sms. But in the olden days, freeloading distant relatives of the same or similar gotra were looking for funerals more eagerly than for marriages. For they didn't need invitations and no one had the courage to throw them out...for they had come with the noble intention to console the mourners. And funerals are more feared than marriages (illogically) since the gent or lady who left our sphere of sorrow to unknown destinations, never to return, may be upset if anyone is thrown out, and he or she may curse the remnants of the family who employ well-built bouncers.
Our family purohit, Late Sri Bhattram Subrahmaniam, who presided over scores of our family events like namakaranams, upanayanms, weddings, and funerals arrived rather late from Nellore when Father died at our home in Gudur in 1994. And he was commuting between the two nearby towns for all the 13 days of rituals. I had become rather friendly with him since he was a very user-friendly type and had allowed me a ten-minute break every hour in my own marriage rituals in 1979 so I could now and again smoke a nerve-boosting cigarette.
And on the evening of the 5th or 6th day of Father's funeral rites he (our purohit) took the proverbial mike and announced aloud that custom declares that every guest...every guest...should at once leave Gudur leaving the mourning family to themselves...otherwise doom will descend on the guests. And they did. I asked him why this weird though welcome custom.
And he smiled and explained that many freeloaders in the good old days never left the mourners' place since they used to get free lunches for weeks together till the mourning family went broke silently. Lame excuses were given that it was a Tuesday or Saturday or Ashatmi or Navami or Amavasya or Krishna Paksha to stay back and enjoy, shedding copious crocodile tears.
So this threat from a pundit was evolved as a subterfuge...
...Posted by Ishani
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