Impertinence

=======================================================================

I use 'impertinence' here in the general sense of 'non-pertinence' that includes irrelevance and such legal jargon as in

Perry Mason's "Ice-cold hands":


*********************************************************************************

..."And what did she say in relation to that statement?" Norris asked.

"Objected to as incompetent, irrelevant and immaterial," Mason said.

"Overruled."

or:

"Where did he say he had received all the money in his wallet?..."

"Objection," Mason said. "Incompetent, irrelevant and immaterial, calling for hearsay evidence."

"Sustained", Judge Miles snapped...

*********************************************************************************************************

Impertinence, second nature to some gifted souls, or practiced to perfection by others comes handy in arguments and debates at home or in office.

*************************************************************************************************************

From:

The House that Nino Built:

....One evening at supper the idea of country sausage swam into my mind.

"Cornmeal and sausage!" I exclaimed. "That's what I crave!"

"We'll have them tomorrow," Margherita assured me.

But the next day we had neither one nor the other, and I had to remind Margherita of her promise. The day after that we spoke of them at both lunch and supper, for the very simple reason that neither was on the table. And the following day it was the same story all over again.

"Cornmeal and sausage! Cornmeal and sausage!" Margherita exclaimed. "Haven't you anything else on your mind? We can't go on eating cornmeal and sausage for the rest of our lives!"

As usual, Margherita had passed from the defense to the attack, and now she had the effrontery to present herself as a victim to the public eye.

************************************************************************************************************

Or take this passage from:

Clarence Day's Noblest Instrument:

...Schopenhauer, in his rules for debating, shows how to win a weak case by insidiously transferring an argument from its right field, and discussing it instead from some irrelevant but impregnable angle. Father knew nothing of Schopenhauer, and was never insidious, but, nevertheless, he had certain natural gifts for debate. In the first place his voice was powerful and stormy, and he let it out at full strength, and kept on letting it out with a vigor that stunned his opponents. As a second gift he was convinced at all times that his opponents were wrong. Hence, even if they did win a point or two, it did them no good, for he dragged the issue to some other ground then, where he and Truth could prevail.

When Mother said it surely was plain enough that I had no ear (for music), what was his reply?

Why, he said that violin was the noblest instrument invented by man...

*************************************************************************************************************

I once watched an Ashtavadhanam (in Telugu) by a Celebrity at my home town.

And was simply bowled over.

The program takes 3 hours upwards. The hero called Avadhani is like a Grandmaster in chess. Only, it is a brilliant achievement in impromptu composition of poems, arithmetic, memory and much else besides.

The Master is ringed by eight accomplished opponents tackled one after the other in a revolving series. One will ask him to compose poems in a certain obscure prosody on given themes. He has to compose them line after line. The next will ask him to compose another poem letter by letter, with the additional complication that, after each letter let out by him, the challenger will prohibit the next letter from being one chosen cleverly by the challenger. Another chap will ask him to come up with the answer to an arithmetical query like what day of the week will next year's August 22 be. There is another one whose duty is to ring a distracting bell at random and at the end the Master should come up with the number of times the bell rang during the entire performance.

But the most challenging task for the Master is to keep up a witty and entertaining conversation with an opponent who tries to distract his attention by asking absolutely impertinent questions on all topics under the sun from politics, sport, or family planning devices.

It is said that the task of the impertinent chap is the toughest, and some taskmasters are as renowned as the Grandmaster himself!

All in all it was an amazing multitasking exhibition of an 8-track mind.

***********************************************************************************************************

As I mentioned earlier, SDM could think best while talking nonsense continuously.

Once I was in his Drawing Room with a problem on analysis.

He was in a great mood to solve it as was evident by a knit-brow for a second, after which he relaxed and started talking about Naxalism, Tolstoy, Bertie Wooster, Departmental Politics completely at unconnected random.

By then I was used to his ways and had to play the role of an intent listener since he would ask intermittently: "hai na?"

Anyway, after 15 minutes he suddenly said:

"Try Faltung"

That solved my problem because I too had been thinking about it while answering his hai nas.

He never called it by its English name, Convolution Integral.

And he would say:

"Faltung in German means Folding"

And he would triumphantly continue his impertinent talk till Tea Time when Mrs SDM would invite both of us for enough loochies and chai.

************************************************************************************************************

Recently I learned 2 nouns used as verbs:

1. Tap-dance:

: to do something suggesting a tap dance; especially: an action or discourse intended to rationalize or distract


2. Moonlight:

:To work at another job, often at night, in addition to one's full-time job.

************************************************************************************************************

Good Night!

========================================================================