Current Account - 2

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When he announced that my BP is now a steady 180 / 140, I got scared for once and told my son it is time to see a Doctor...it is more than 7 years since I have been on Loram 2.5 and maybe I got so used to it that it doesn't work for me anymore...medicines are like wives...they stop responding when you take them for granted...once in a while you must re-invent them.

We both decided that this time we go to a good old GP who specializes in human beings rather than their various organs. There is a time for a specialist and a time for generalist just as there is a time for wine and quite another for water. We have been to so many specialists who can't proceed unless they get your sundry scans like MRI, PET-CT, FTP and dozen others. A GP at best asks you to get your urine and blood reports...although there is always a high probability that urine samples get mixed up and you end up positive for a Gravindex test...time to celebrate ;-)

After some research with his colleagues my son took me to a retired GP with just an MBBS Degree but with vast experience in Government Hospitals...you know how it is to work for any Govt Organization and survive and retire before you die...you should be able to diagnose and treat a million non-paying patients just by your intuition...the X-Ray machine is cobwebbed and Lab is closed for Puja, Diwali, Good Friday, Easter Monday, Ids of different hues, Buddha, Mahavir, Ambedkar et al Jayantis, Lohri, and local festivities like Bathukamma Jathara.

As soon as we entered the chamber of his Holy Presence, my son and I exchanged glances which meant that here is a case fit for division of labor...he would do the talking and I the smiling...the good old doctor looked like a no-nonsense guy...his countenance was wizened like that of the Ancient Mariner...and his earlier patients in the waiting line went in all dressed up and came out dressed down half an hour later.

My son took the chair opposite while I was beckoned to sit by the doctor's side-stool. And after elaborately writing my name, age, and sex on his pad, he looked at me with inquiring eyes as if asking me to state my problem in as few words as I could.

And I said: "BP"

And then he exploded like a ton of wired dynamite:

"What do you mean by BP...Haahn? BP is a not a disease, Haahn! Nor is it a symptom, Haahn! It is just a reading like your pulse. You should narrate your symptoms and troubles"

Then my son took over and told him that I have been feeling giddy and dizzy and reeling and rolling for the past couple of days and he had checked my BP and it was too high.

Then the doctor shouted at him:

"How do you know his symptoms are due to BP?...There could be a dozen reasons why he is reeling and rolling and feeling dizzy. What else?" he asked looking at me.

I mumbled that the other evening I was forgetting everything.

And like that Caterpillar he asked: "Forgetting what? Haahn?"

My son offered the answer: "He went to the medical shop and forgot the names of all medicines which he has been taking for a decade"

And then the GP got up, opened his index finger, asked me to keep looking at it as he moved it this way and that horizontally, vertically and diagonally. I kept looking at the proffered finger by fixing my eyes on it and moving my head hither and thither.

Then s**t hit the fan:

"Don't move your head...move your eyes, Haahn!"

Which I did successfully rather...And then he asked me to do the same with my specs taken off. And my son mumbled: "He has cataract in his right eye"

The doc asked peremptorily:

"Why didn't you get it operated? Haahn?"

I smiled like a circus buffoon given the whip and asked to thrash the lions and lionesses.

My son said: "He is too scared"

The doc then shook his head in intense disapproval and asked me to get up, which was cakewalk. And then he asked me to walk steadily right heel touching the left toe and vice versa. That too was a cakewalk...literally. He then asked me to climb and lie down on the ironing board converted to a bed and poked me here and there and stethed me front and back asking to breathe heavily...

After all this drill he told my son that his hunch may be right and maybe he has to change the BP tablet...but not before he gets my 'full lipid profile' and 'blood sugar'. My son asked him if he can take me to the Vijaya Lab nearby for the reports...upon which the doc fumed and said:

"No, no...never..." and suggested the name of his patented Lab. And asked us to meet him after two days with the reports.

And when my son thanked him and offered the default fees of Rs 200, he coolly returned a hundred rupee note saying one hundred would do in this case...

And he didn't specify what 'this case' meant and we were in no mood to probe.

As we walked back to my son's car, I told him that the doc is terrific, and he asked, in utter surprise, why. I asked him if he could figure out why the doc was asking me to look at his moving finger and was watching my gait while I was walking step-by-step.

My son confessed he didn't have a clue.

I then told him that symptoms like sudden loss of memory, reeling and rolling and stuff are also typical of brain tumors and the GP wanted to eliminate them without insisting on costly brain scans.

It was my son's turn to exclaim:

"Is that so?"

"Yes! Old is truly Gold!!!"


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