Saturday, June 21, 2014

Much of a Muchness

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`They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; `and they drew all manner of things--everything that begins with an M--' 

`Why with an M?' said Alice. 

`Why not?' said the March Hare. 

Alice was silent. 

The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with a little shriek, and went on: `--that begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness-- you know you say things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?' 

`Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, `I don't think--' 

`Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter. 


...Alice in Wonderland 


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The other night I called up Gandhari on my planchette and asked her:

"Were you not bored raising all those hundreds of criminal sons?"

"Sure, I was...bored like hell!"

"What did you do?"

"I got a daughter whom I named Duhsala"

"Why a grim name like Duhsala?"

"It means much of a muchness"

And then I called up Krishna and asked:

"How did you feel with all those 16,000 girl-friends and 4 or 5 wives and lovers?"

"One too many!"

"What did you do?"

"In my next incarnation I took birth as Buddha and ran away after a single child one dark night"

And then I called up Buddha and asked him:

"How did you feel after all those 33 years of red rule?"

"Terrible!"

"What did you do?"

"I renounced and asked Didi to take over and see for herself where the chappal pinches"

And of course I was too scared to call up Didi. 

Instead, I called up that dimpled guy and asked:

"At the end of it all, why did you smile while your mom was looking suitably grim?"

"Was feeling terribly relieved!"

"Of what?"

"Much too much of nonsense talk"

"Of what?"

"Women's Empowerment and all that rot"

And then I gave up...

Long time back I read a Maugham story whose title I forget. 

It was about a guy who was terribly in love with his girl and vice versa. Then for some reason or the other he was caught stealing or something and was jailed for a year's solitary confinement. For all those 365 days (and equal number of nights) he was thinking and thinking and thinking of nothing but his girl friend, how lovely she was, how much he missed her, how nice it would be at the end of his confinement when he would meet her and greet her and make love to her and all that rot. 

Day and night, hour by hour, minute by minute...

And finally came the morning of his release. And his girl was waiting for him at the jail main gate and she ran forward to meet him and embrace him and kiss him and what not.

All of a sudden, the guy felt as if he had eaten a hundred odd rosogollas and was in no mood for even a single one more.

And he turned back and ran away from her, never to return...

I thought Maugham was pulling the legs of his readers as usual.

But it turned out to be too true in my own case. No, not girls but physics.

For all of 40 years of my prime time at IIT KGP, I was thinking of nothing but physics and physics and physics. I loved the physics I taught and I taught the physics I loved. And I got charmed by IIT JEE type problems and spent most of my leisure solving and storing the solutions of almost all problems of Resnick-Halliday, Irodov, HC Verma, Brilliant, et al. 

And I was dreaming of the day when I would retire from IIT KGP and set up my own coaching school or join one to teach JEE physics, and mint money.

And finally when I settled down in Hyderabad and opened that deal-wood box containing all those khatas with the solutions of all those thousands of wicked problems, I felt suddenly disgusted with physics like that Maugham guy who abandoned his love and ran away.

I hailed the roaming raddiwala of Banjara Hills and sold all those trunk-loads of physics books including Feynman Volumes and my khatas and reprints, by weight @ Rs 5 a kilo.

I never regretted it...it is all of most of a decade by now and I still feel terribly relieved of those wretched solutions of wretched pulley problems...excuse me...like that dimpled guy I was speaking of.


...Posted by Ishani

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Just excellent!
In my humble opinion this post definitely deserves to be published in a magazine or a news paper (surely outside Didi's state).
We, Bengalis have lost both our (non)sense and sense of humour.