Tuesday, March 2, 2021

Man Proposes & God Disposes

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Last week there was this news item:


Thangulla Sastish, from Lothnur Village, Telangana, fattened his prize rooster, tied a 3-inch sharpest knife to its leg, carried it to the village temple where a cock-fight was being held, and released his cock into the ring happily.

However, the cock fluttered its wings in panic in the last second. Its blade slashed its proud owner's groin. Satish bled heavily and died while he was being rushed to the hospital.

Cock-fighting being illegal (in principle) the police had to act. They forgot all about Satish and carried his cock to the police station. There was a discussion on whether to arrest the cock for 'murder'. Or 'culpable homicide not amounting to murder'. The cock was tethered to the nearby tree, fed regularly, and was taken great care of since it would at least be a 'witness' to the crime. Latest reports indicate that the cock has been sent to a poultry farm and kept there under strict watch...

Satish proposed to enjoy and win; & God was disposed to take him to the cock-fighters' heaven. 

And his cock proposed to escape to freedom; & Police God was disposed to arrest it and keep it under their custody.


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In the 1960s there was this diverting story in the Reader's Digest:


When a sick buffalo has to be administered its medicine orally, the vet mixes the medicine in a morsel of tasty flour, inserts the resulting bolus into one end of a pipe, pushes it into the buffalo's throat, inserts the other end of the pipe into his own mouth, and BLOWS.

Apparently that day the buffalo blew first..

:)


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In my teens I read all the Sherlock Holmes Volumes: 'Adventures', 'Memoirs', 'Return', 'Case Book' and others.

The most awesome story was the "Speckled Band".


Dr Grimesby Roylott has a sprawling estate in Surrey, teeming with wild animals like a cheetah and a baboon; and a band of gypsies...all friendly towards him.

The estate also houses his twin step-daughters, Julia and Helen.

He proposes to kill them one after the other...for money!

One night Helen hears screams of Julia who was sleeping in the room next to Dr Roylott's. And Helen rushes and sees Julia dying, screaming: "speckled band!" "speckled band!"

Helen can't make out what that speckled band was and thinks perhaps it referred to the roving band of gypsies.

And then one day Dr Roylott shifts Helen to Julia's room beside his.

And Helen gets scared and approaches Sherlock Holmes.

Holmes and Watson rush to Dr Roylott's estate and shift Helen elsewhere and they themselves hide in Helen's room.

At the dead of the night, Holmes suddenly springs up and whiplashes that specked band trying to slide down via a rope in the ceiling.

Within a minute Holmes and Watson hear screams of Dr Roylott. On rushing there they find Dr Roylott dead, with the speckled band coiled around his neck.

That specked band was Dr Roylott's pet swamp adder...the deadliest snake in the whole of Asia,


God!


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Here is another charming Adventure of Sherlock Holmes: "Blue Carbuncle":


James Ryder, working in the Hotel Cosmopolitan, steals the blue carbuncle worth £10,000 belonging to a Countess.

But is scared that police are after him and wants to hide his tiny jewel in a safe place for the nonce. He visits his sister's house and finds a flock of geese there bred by her. And gets an inspiration on finding a goose with a barred tail. He catches it and pushes his blue carbuncle down its throat. But before he could hold it back, the goose flies away and rejoins the flock. His sister appears and Ryder asks her to give that goose with the barred tail as the promised Christmas gift to him. 

And takes it to his friend's home. 

On killing it with glee, they discover that that goose has no jewel in its crop. 

Bewildered, Ryder runs back to his sister's place and asks her if there was another identical goose with a barred tail. And his sister confirms it but says it has since been sold.

Ryder goes on a wild goose chase to the retailer to whom his sister had sold the golden goose. 

And there he finds Sherlock Holmes & Watson waiting for him...

:)


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And then there was this Chief Minister who proposes to build a brand new capital for his state. 

And he visits Raipur, Singapore, Malaysia, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, Timbuktu...etc etc..

And prolooooongs the building process in order to win the next election.

And look at what happened to him! 

:)


Allah nahin hain?


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Here is what my Father proposed and the Postal God disposed in 1960:


My next mortifying encounter with POP came when I was in my B Sc (Hons), and supposedly a wise guy. One day when I was at my father's place at Kovur, making daily Summer Vacation push-bike trips to the nearby District HQ town of Nellore, my father handed me a sealed envelope and asked me to go to the Office of the District Superintendent of Post Offices at James Gardens and drop it in the Box outside his august Office; which I did.

A couple of days later, the neighborhood Postman barged into our home guffawing loudly, pushed another sealed envelope into my father's hands, and demanded Rs. 0.75 on the spot. As my father glanced through the thing, his face fell and he coughed up the said number of coins as the Postman retreated triumphantly. I didn't get the default thrashing as I was too old for it, but got a juicy snubbing that rankles to this day.

Apparently, my Headmaster-father had a running fight with the Local Post Master at Kovur over a refund 
of Re 1.00 only that was due for his School. As the Local PM was dillying and dallying for reasons best known to him (I guess he had to foot it from his pocket for his past mistakes), my father lost his patience and wrote that stinking Complaint Letter to the HQ that I was to drop in the Box in front of his James Garden Office.

To this day 
I maintain that he was at fault for failing to specify that I had to drop it in the Toll-Free White Box but not the Blood Red One that demands stamps glued to it even for local mails.

I leave the rest to your imagination: the amusement of the Superintendent and his staff and their reply that went, "Whereas we appreciate your disgust over our delayed refund of Re 1.00 due to you, we are forced to charge you Rs. 1.75 as penalty for dropping your unstamped 'Bearing' Envelope in our Red Box. Kindly arrange for the prompt payment of Balance Rs. 0.75 after deducting the Re. 1.00 we owe you; Yours ever in service etc".


https://gpsastry.blogspot.com/2010/07/pop-culture.html?m=0


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Talking of cock fights:


Everyday I post my poorana of that night's samasya in my blog under the title: "Shankaraarpanam". Generally it is viewed by about 10 regular readers. But I was surprised to see just now that one of my recent pooranas had all of 43 hits...unusual.

And I find it had to do with cock fights. Here it is (showing that cock fights are very popular in our state):


శంకరాభరణం సమస్య - 3622

"కన్నుల పండువై తనువు గార్చె రణంబున రక్తధారలన్”



పన్నుగ మిత్రులన్ గలిసి పండుగ పూటను సంకురాతిరిన్

చెన్నుగ బోవుచున్ మురిసి చెట్టుల క్రిందను ముత్తుకూరునన్

మిన్నగు కోడినిన్ గొనుచు మీరిన యాశను పందెమాడగా

కన్నుల పండువై తనువు గార్చె రణంబున రక్తధారలన్...


(కంది శంకరయ్య గారి సౌజన్యంతో)


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Acknowledgment:

I thank Sri Kandi Shankaraya Garu for giving me the topic for this blog. Thank you Sir!


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