Conceit

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Let us hear what Autocrat says about Conceit:

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-- Little localized powers, and little narrow streaks of specialized
knowledge, are things men are very apt to be conceited about.
Nature is very wise; but for this encouraging principle how many
small talents and little accomplishments would be neglected!  Talk
about conceit as much as you like, it is to human character what
salt is to the ocean; it keeps it sweet, and renders it endurable.
Say rather it is like the natural unguent of the sea-fowl's
plumage, which enables him to shed the rain that falls on him and
the wave in which he dips.  When one has had ALL his conceit taken
out of him, when he has lost ALL his illusions, his feathers will
soon soak through, and he will fly no more.

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I don't know about fish, but among reptiles cobra is the most conceited. I blogged my encounter with a resident cobra on two successive Saturday Afternoons, in "Snakes @ IIT" in an earlier Post. Just because she has a fancy bespectacled retractable hood, she thinks she is a Scheming Pot of Poison; de-fang her and she is as defenseless as a Retired Professor.

Among the airborne birds the Indian Crow takes the cake for sheer conceit just because Mark Twain devoted an entire Passage dedicated to him. He has no scruples in snatching the piece of bread li'l Ishani is holding in her tiny tender frightened hands. But in Shraddh ceremonies when I am asked to lay out a Pind (morsel) of rice studded with dal and ghee and delicious vadas to entice him, a dozen of his clever tribe would be hovering but none would touch it....they suspect that if gps is offering them Free Lunch it must surely be laced with poison. But he is caught square in the gully by cleverer Benarasi Birdies who let you release him from his cage @ one Rupee each so you can reach Heaven by and by. When DB told me this story I didn't believe it; till I watched a TV Ad for Visa Card featuring a certain Hollywood India Buff who implanted an American (not French) kiss on our own Big Brother Beauty in public on stage, much to the chagrin of our custodians of Hindu, Hindi, Hindusthani.

Among the grounded birds, hen is (unfairly) said to be the most conceited as she cackles as if she laid the Universe (Brahmanda) when she has only laid a tiny egg (just one Anda; she may just be rejoicing her relief from labor pains).

In the four-legged Kingdom, the KGP Street Dog has the most conceit. He will wag his tail and lick your legs for a morsel of your veg meal, but after 10 PM he thinks he owns the KGP roads and chases you barking alongside your Chetak Scooter till you halt and pretend to reach for your chappal; and then he will flee with his tail tucked between his legs. But if any kind Professor in an act of misplaced mercy hangs a collar around his swollen neck, he will stop mixing with his friends thinking he won a Ph D from IIT. And expects Free Conference Lunches and hopes to lead a Pensioned Blogger's life here and hereafter.

Rising higher up the Animal Kingdom, Sage Durvasa was the most conceited. Instead of thanking Ambarish for a Free Lunch, he curses and chases him for a perceived insult till Lord Vishnu counter-chases him with his spinning wheel.

Among Brahmins, the Pandas of Gaya are convinced that nobody can help their ancestors go to Heaven until they are first pleased. When I landed there at 3 AM by Neelachal Express on the Railway Platform with my old parents, I felt a strong hand gripping my shoulder trying to pull me aside. I looked back and found a Giant Panda hovering over me. In spite of my lean and mean figure 25 years ago, I was so angry that I pushed him back with all my might. He was stung by this unexpected assault much like a lion stung by a tiny scorpion; and we fled to the Bharat Sevashram Sangh's Reception Hall to take shelter there.

Among the Physicists I met, one Kaan-Poor Professor I worked with for three days and nights acted certainly the most conceited. He not only dismissed me when I kept mum when asked my 'Field', but also pretended he never heard (kaan being poor)of my pal DB, although DB was a well-known budding Particle Physicist before he was spellbound by SDM's Group Theory. Unfortunately I deleted the blog about my encounter with him instead of Saving it as a Draft. But those who wish to hear the story in its gory detail may consult Dr (LA) Don Quixote discreetly.

Finally, among all gran'pas, gps is certainly the most conceited since he fancies his li'l Ishani is the cutest and cleverest thing the Universe has ever created and brings out of his hat cheap booklets in her name every three months and distributes them all over the Universe for free, like so many flier-ads.



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