Monday, September 19, 2011

Pratik's Invite

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Pratik writes:

Dear gps,

Soon you may receive the hard copy of the invitation.

(or invite? Of late I'm seeing `invite' everywhere instead of `invitation'!).


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gps:

Pratik is a literary prude like Jeeves and frowns upon such flirt with Queen's English.

What is wrong with such back-forms when they result in helpful abbreviates? They in fact result in enormous simplifies of the tough foreign tongue.

I am like Bertie and I am full of appreciate that does not deserve any critical examine. But Pratik is ancient in his ethics and has no tolerate for such linguistic abominates.

Even when he was a student, I am told, he was a personify of honesty in his Physics Lab. We, on the other hand at our AU, were too lazy to take readings and used to be experts in back-calculates and several types of heinous approximates. There was a severe limitate to our rigor and we believed in an apply of least act.

Anyway, Pratik gave a sumptuous dinner invite to me and my wife when we were at KGP last year.

And we started talking about the Jumbo Physics Course (of which I was the primeval origin or so to say the primate).

He asked me if I used Power Point Present.

I said 'no'; my expertise in Computer Applies was rudimentary. I am happy with mental calculate.

I said I started with Simple Harmonic Oscillate, Damned (sorry, Damped) Harmonic Oscillate, Forced Harmonic Oscillate, Coupled Oscillate and Propagate of pulses.

And I loved Fraunhofer Diffract and Fresnel Diffract (which was a bugbear to many).

Also, Linear Polarize, Circular Polarize and Elliptical Polarize, and the Analyze of a mixture of their various combines.

And then passed on to the celebrated Schrodinger Equate.

By then my students were suffering from severe mental dehydrate and had to be shifted to the B C Roy Hospital for administer of several bottles of saline, which they thought were free from contamine.

Poor chaps living in their own paradigms (Ha!).

Before I quit KGP, I tried to improve the educate of Pratik on the topic of invigilate of central examines. As every veteran of the IIT System knows, there are several rungs of cheating from consult, inscribe, subscribe, superscribe on various body parts, dresses, clip boards and toilet walls depending on the exasperate of the student. Also exchange, interchange, barter, and outright copy-paste of the examine scripts.

I tried to convince him that the punishment must be proportional to the crime, both going hand in hand in synergy, the proportionality constant ranging from 0 to 100% depending on various extraneous factors like the temperature and humidity of the Examine Control Room.

In Life one should not be idealistic but develop some attenuate of moral standards. Just like gold becomes useless if you insist on 100% purity, mind also needs some measure of adulterate.

While grading answer scripts and vivas too, one has to exercise some amount of selective exaggerate.

While giving Recos too, one has to indulge in selective amplify, distort, mitigate, ameliorate, adumbrate, obfuscate, prevaricate, fabricate, duplicate, insinuate, and pure and simple falsificate without any hesitate.

That's all folks for tonight... I am suffering from severe intellectual complicates.


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1 comment:

Varun N. Achar said...

This is the most bakchod* compose I've seen in a while. An uproarious read!

*Kgp lingo: its constitutes are vulgar, but the concatenate itself is rather a useful coin.