Protocol

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Remember that I am a Pre-Independence kid. So, on every coin and postage stamp those days I used to see the grotesque figure of King George VI. It has been my observation that statues and figurines and mintages look far more ugly than their originals.

The British were (and are) suckers for protocol...who should bend to whom and by how many inches. Remember the incident between Michelle and the Queen:

http://gpsastry.blogspot.com/2009/04/queen-and-cauliflower.html

My friends who were preparing for the IAS exams had to mug up the titles of aristocracy and order of precedence not only in Britain but our own Free India.

Talking of King George, there is this huge hospital in Vizagh called the King George Hospital. I always thought that it is named for the Emperor. It was only recently, when I was Googling Vizagh that I came to know that this particular King George was a surveyor of this fabulous district (where I spent 7 inglorious UG years trying to learn some physics in vain).

Anyway, my Physician Uncle, Dr K K Murthy, MD, was the renowned and much feared Superintendent of this KGH. And I always used to envy his powerful and honorable position. But one day, he was inconsolable because it so happened that the Secretary of our bachcha Collector & District Magistrate, IAS, rang him up and asked him to visit the Collector's Bungalow at once, since His Majesty was suffering from a bout of cold and cough.

He had to go, leaving everything, as required by the protocol.

And when the marriage proposal of my elder sister materialized with an IAS Officer, through his efforts, my Uncle's joy knew no bounds.

But my IAS B-i-L was stumped one day by my innocent Goods Clerk F-i-L. They got together during my son's baptism ceremony; and I was witness to an embarrassing scene. It so happens that the Supremo and Showpiece of my F-i-L's family turned out to be the General Manager of the State Bank of Hyderabad. And my F-i-L, while singing the GM's rhapsodies, offered magnanimously to escort my IAS B-i-L to the august chambers of his SBH GM on his next visit to Hyderabad, and introduce him graciously.

Shit hit the fan.

My IAS B-i-L was fuming for the discourtesy shown to not only him but his entire cadre...this 'cadre honor' of IAS chaps rivals that of the Platoon (paltan) of the sepoys. But he couldn't let out his anger in public since that would be out of form...my F-i-L has precedence in the ceremony due to his age.

Later on however, I had to hear a mouthful from my B-i-L who shouted:

"What does your F-i-L think of himself and his bloody GM of SBH? I have to only ask my Secretary to ring the GM up when I am next in Hyderabad and the GM has to drop every gold coin he happens to be counting and run to my Hotel."

But recently when I let out that the current Governor of RBI was our student at KGP and sat in my EM class, my B-i-L said only one thing:

"The RBI Gov's Bungalow in Delhi is faaaabulous!"

I thought that Teachers are always teachers and there is no protocol for us to obey. This is largely true. I recall our Abdus Salam visiting the humble home of his ailing Math School Teacher and paying his respects after he won his Nobel.

But not for teachers in the Armed Forces, it looks like. I saw this wonderful movie: An Officer and a Gentleman, where the Teacher Sergent who is saluted by his Trainee Cadet during training, has to suffer a reversal of roles as soon as the cadet passes out and is metamorphosed into an Officer.

There was no protocol for us at IIT KGP, except our beloved senior colleague, KVR, who insisted on his own version of it.

During the time he was HoD, he would ring me up and ask me to go to his Office whenever an official matter like a Meeting was scheduled (which was rare). But whenever he had something to get from me by way of academics, he would take a prior appointment from me and walk down to my humble room (which was often); and insist that I don't get up from my chair, since he was then a student of mine although he was my Boss otherwise.

One afternoon, my proud M Sc Project Student, Arti Tandon, was having some doubts in Weinberg cleared in my Room. As usual, she was sitting in my Visitor's Broken Chair and was working them out in all concentration. The phone rang and Prof KVR announced that he would be coming to clear some of his doubts. And as he entered my Room, I got up and welcomed him, while the girl was completely absorbed in her math unaware of his arrival.

While leaving, KVR shouted at her and asked her to stand up; which she did demurely (everyone knew KVR's protocols). But still, he banged her:

"Your Teacher has the courtesy to stand up when I entered; but you are so very arrogant that you didn't even notice my arrival!"

There is this charming story told by KK about KVR:

Once KVR had to go to Delhi on some personal work and he was stranded, not getting any accommodation for the night. So, he landed up at IIT, Delhi and walked into the room of his erstwhile Project Student at KGP, who was then doing his M Tech at IIT Delhi and staying in a single room in hostel. The student welcomed him and agreed happily to put KVR up for the night. And offered his single cot for the night.

But KVR refused it saying that since he was the Applicant Visitor for the night, he would be most unhappy to snatch his host's bed and deprive him of his comfortable sleep: he just spread his bedsheet on the floor and insisted on sleeping on the floor.

And his student naturally couldn't sleep on his cot with his guide sleeping on the floor; and so he too had to sleep on the floor, pushing the cot into the corridor outside.

It was like the story of the Father, Son and their Donkey...


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