Sunday, October 7, 2012

Campus Telephony

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When I joined IIT KGP in 1965, telephones were as rare as lady students...you could count them on the fingers of your hands and toes on your feet.

We did visit a curiosity called the Manual Telephone Exchange which was housed in what is now the site of the mammoth Kendriya Vidyalaya. And we had glimpses of a cute system like this:


 

  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telephone_exchange 

with the difference that the person manning it and pushing and pulling jacks with an elastic cord into the sockets of the Board was like me...and not like her as above.

Like that British Army Officer who had gout and was advised by his doctor to drink donkey's milk; and he ordered his peon to fetch a 'gadha'; and was angry when his peon fetched one; and scolded him:

"Mera jaisa gadha nahin...memsahib jaisa gadha lao" ("Not a donkey like me but fetch a donkey like my wife")

 Only the Director and HoD's had telephones like this in their Offices:



 


  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telephone 


You push your forefinger and rotate clockwise for "343" (the only number that works). You do the fingering once and nothing happens except a beep-beep-beep sound. And you try again and again and again and finally if you are lucky you hear his gruff voice:

"Number boloon?"

None of the twenty or so telephones except the one in the Director's Office had the facility of trunk-dialing for long-distance. The rest were Campus. 

By and by the telephone exchange was shifted to its own building when it was upgraded to what was called a Strowger  facilty. The difference was that now the Senior Professors also had free telephones in their offices but strictly Campus; and they could dial other 3-digit numbers too and eliminate the operator's nuisance. And the forty or so Senior Professors were toying with them like their birthday gifts and were enamored.

My Guide SDM got so few gossip calls that he was waiting and waiting for the instrument to ring; and when it did ring...ultimately....it was a wrong number...

Once I visited his Room and asked him to tell me the name of a good book which gives the Heisenberg Inequalities for the EM Fields. He jumped up and said: 

"Look up Heitler's Quantum Theory of Radiation. There is only one copy in the Library and it is in the Reserved Section"

"Thank you, sir!"

"No, no, don't go away...after you find that book, you go to the Librarian's Room. Although he is not a Senior Professor like me, they have given him a telephone. You ask him to dial my number 232 and tell me in his presence if you could find it in that book. Understand!"

"Yes, sir!"

So, I had to wait outside the Librarian's Room till he returned from his tea-break, and beseech him. And he scowled:

"Whom do you want to talk to?"

"Prof SDM of the Phy Dept"

"But his room is only one minute walk from here...why were you waiting half an hour for me?"

"He asked me to..."

A few weeks later, SDM rushed into my room excitedly and announced that Prof KGC of the ME Dept rang him up and asked me to return the worm gear I had borrowed long ago from him immediately. I replied that I have no more use for it now that I have abandoned my Experimental Research and assured him:

"I am going at once to him with his (lousy) worm gear"

"No, no, no, no...you come to my room along with me and talk to him...he is waiting for you on the line"

So, that was how prestigious telephones were.

Much water flowed by 1989 by when I became a Professor myself and our Exchange was upgraded to Digital and I had a piece installed in my office as well as home...but still strictly Campus (for my wife to talk to her neighbor about how to make idlis). No long-distance except for incoming calls through the Operator...the same old guy.

And my didi arrived for a fortnight's holiday at KGP from Delhi along with her school-going son. My IAS B-i-L launched her on the Neelachal Express and, for all I know, forgot about her ;-)

It was summer vacation and I received her at the Station and kept company with her. As soon as she finished her ablutions and breakfast, she said:

"I want to call my husband and tell him that we arrived safe"

"I will give him an Express Telegram"

"NO, I want to ring him up from your phone"

"Sorry, my phone doesn't have outgoing long distance facility"

"Then take me to the nearest Exchange"

So, I had to carry her on my scooter to our IIT Exchange in its new building and ask the operator to connect the Delhi Number. And my didi said:

"Lightning Call please!"

It was 10 O'clock in the morning and I knew that the Lightning Tariff in Prime Time would burn a sizable hole in my pocket. But, I don't blame my didi...my B-i-L had opted for Free Telephone at home rather than Free Transport and so she was never aware of the four or five slabs...after 7 PM, after 9 PM, after 11 PM or worse...

So, I was a mute spectator and the Operator was so impressed...he never knew there was something like a Lightning Call...

And I could hear my B-i-L's cheerful voice from his Office...his Secretary connected him and possibly was eavesdropping too.

And my didi was telling him where to find milk, curd, eggs, rice and asking him if the maid turned up and telling him what a wonderful Bungalow her brother (me) has at KGP and describing all the banana, guava, mango, lemon, kariyapatta, cotton and more trees I had in our God-forsaken garden and the birds, the bees, the flowers and so on....while he must have been telling her how he outwitted his Boss by this nice misleading marginal note...

And my pulse was racing....

Finally she asked:

"Prabhakar! Do you want to talk to your B-i-L?"

"No...no...nooooooo!"

The Bill came to Rs 1000, and post-paid as a cut from my next month's salary.

So, the Rs 1500 I reserved for gifting her a Bangladeshi Jamdani saree got downgraded to Rs 500. And I could only gift her a Tangail Cotton saree...which she liked so much she bought a dozen of them (from her own purse) for her extended family and friends.

And while leaving, she gifted me a princely briefcase (got as Diwali gift for IAS chaps) that I still use...

All's well that ends well...


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