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Well, Nino is right although he merely scratches the surface of man-son relation.
I left home when I was 13 and since then I was a Visiting Son till my Father died when he was 80.
During the 11 years of my 13 that I remember, my Father used to whip me regularly on a daily basis since he was a HM of the old world and they all believed in the nasty dictum:
"Spare the rod and spoil the child"
I didn't really mind getting beat up when I did some mischief or the other...I got used to it, rather expecting the day's baton. Of course I never forgave him for beating me for not being able to solve the Profit & Loss, Time & Work, and Time & Speed problems. I still can't do them.
Yet, Nino is right...I recall that when I was 11, one day I decided that my Father was a weak man unable to control his emotions...and since then I turned, not his ally, but his Support. For, for all his expertise in solving all those arithmetic problems like Profit & Loss, he was unworldly and was always fumbling except while teaching English or putting the fear of God into the Teachers and Students of his school.
So, I never sought any advice from him for my or even his family problems like jobs, promotions, marriages etc. And he turned a recluse and looked up to me for support...physical, mental, financial, moral, and worldly.
The situation is entirely different in the relation between me and my son.
For, we are unique specimens in today's world of our social stratum.
My son lived with me for all of his first 24 years at IIT KGP and then I have been living with him for the next 7 years and more.
This is such an intimate relationship that my son must have been assessing me as an adversary on a daily basis and vice versa.
And we are as different as chalk and cheese in our skill-sets, hobbies, strengths and weaknesses.
And the advent of a wife to him and a granddaughter to me has enriched and compounded our strange relation.
But I guess this continual adjustment through day to day changes has been a wonderful affair. And most of the time we leave one another free to indulge our pursuits...but when the chips are down, as during the prolonged illness and death of my wife, we were such allies that we formed a formidable Team conquering all the vicissitudes like two great friends.
Coming to the man-wife relationship, I must say that it can never be intimate, although it is so physically, financially, and perhaps morally (in the sense of moral support). Man can never understand woman but women think that they know their men like the back of their palms. And wife comes into man's orbit very late, fully formed and inedible, like a coconut. The understanding if any is sympathetic rather than profound.
And between friends the relationship tends to be the best of all as long as they don't become partners in any business or political venture.
Between siblings it should be good as long as the respective spouses don't fight...but they do...
And between collaborators in science, I don't know. But perhaps the strain requires immense maturity to be withstood in the long run. I am told (I haven't verified) that the Double Helix Nobel Pair and the Parity Nobel pair haven't been the best of friends always...not to talk of F-G. I don't know about the Bell Labs Nobelists.
But the best of all relationships is between an old teacher and his young students...I have proofs galore for that.
The best Father-Son relationship in literature is between Tony Weller and Sam Weller:
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"In every family there comes a time when the father wakes up to the fact that there's a stranger in the house. Mothers don't seem to notice. As far as they're concerned, their son is always a baby, with only his mother on his mind. But a father can't be fooled so easily; he knows that the child isn't what he was before. He feels the child's eyes upon him, and they are the cold eyes of a stranger. He knows that he is under scrutiny and that his every gesture will be pitilessly examined. The process is an unconscious one; the boy is studying his father simply in order to find out which one of them is stronger. The physical side of it doesn't interest him, for he knows that he is on the rise while his father is on the decline. What he cares about is comparative strength or weakness of quite another kind.
Life is all a cruel struggle, and a man's first enemy is his father. At a certain point a boy begins to study his natural adversary. And because he has instinct for a guide, his judgment is never wrong. Later on, circumstance or reason may cause him to modify his first opinion, but in the final summing-up, instinct will always have the last word. The time comes when the father is made aware that there is a stranger in the house, and the stranger is his son, who suddenly looks at him out of new eyes and takes his measure. The moment is a crucial one, for when it is over, the son has made up his mind. And if he judges his father to be stronger than himself, then he will become his ally.
This is no fun. And yet we must think it out. We cannot be dishonest with ourselves about it."
..........From: The House That Nino Built
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Well, Nino is right although he merely scratches the surface of man-son relation.
I left home when I was 13 and since then I was a Visiting Son till my Father died when he was 80.
During the 11 years of my 13 that I remember, my Father used to whip me regularly on a daily basis since he was a HM of the old world and they all believed in the nasty dictum:
"Spare the rod and spoil the child"
I didn't really mind getting beat up when I did some mischief or the other...I got used to it, rather expecting the day's baton. Of course I never forgave him for beating me for not being able to solve the Profit & Loss, Time & Work, and Time & Speed problems. I still can't do them.
Yet, Nino is right...I recall that when I was 11, one day I decided that my Father was a weak man unable to control his emotions...and since then I turned, not his ally, but his Support. For, for all his expertise in solving all those arithmetic problems like Profit & Loss, he was unworldly and was always fumbling except while teaching English or putting the fear of God into the Teachers and Students of his school.
So, I never sought any advice from him for my or even his family problems like jobs, promotions, marriages etc. And he turned a recluse and looked up to me for support...physical, mental, financial, moral, and worldly.
The situation is entirely different in the relation between me and my son.
For, we are unique specimens in today's world of our social stratum.
My son lived with me for all of his first 24 years at IIT KGP and then I have been living with him for the next 7 years and more.
This is such an intimate relationship that my son must have been assessing me as an adversary on a daily basis and vice versa.
And we are as different as chalk and cheese in our skill-sets, hobbies, strengths and weaknesses.
And the advent of a wife to him and a granddaughter to me has enriched and compounded our strange relation.
But I guess this continual adjustment through day to day changes has been a wonderful affair. And most of the time we leave one another free to indulge our pursuits...but when the chips are down, as during the prolonged illness and death of my wife, we were such allies that we formed a formidable Team conquering all the vicissitudes like two great friends.
Coming to the man-wife relationship, I must say that it can never be intimate, although it is so physically, financially, and perhaps morally (in the sense of moral support). Man can never understand woman but women think that they know their men like the back of their palms. And wife comes into man's orbit very late, fully formed and inedible, like a coconut. The understanding if any is sympathetic rather than profound.
And between friends the relationship tends to be the best of all as long as they don't become partners in any business or political venture.
Between siblings it should be good as long as the respective spouses don't fight...but they do...
And between collaborators in science, I don't know. But perhaps the strain requires immense maturity to be withstood in the long run. I am told (I haven't verified) that the Double Helix Nobel Pair and the Parity Nobel pair haven't been the best of friends always...not to talk of F-G. I don't know about the Bell Labs Nobelists.
But the best of all relationships is between an old teacher and his young students...I have proofs galore for that.
The best Father-Son relationship in literature is between Tony Weller and Sam Weller:
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'Well done, father,' said Sam, 'take
care, old fellow, or you'll have a touch of your old complaint, the
gout.'
'I've found a sov'rin' cure for that, Sammy,' said Mr. Weller, setting
down the glass.
'A sovereign cure for the gout,' said Mr. Pickwick, hastily producing
his note-book--'what is it?'
'The gout, Sir,' replied Mr. Weller, 'the gout is a complaint as arises
from too much ease and comfort. If ever you're attacked with the gout,
sir, jist you marry a widder as has got a good loud woice, with a decent
notion of usin' it, and you'll never have the gout agin. It's a capital
prescription, sir. I takes it reg'lar, and I can warrant it to drive
away any illness as is caused by too much jollity.' Having imparted
this valuable secret, Mr. Weller drained his glass once more, produced a
laboured wink, sighed deeply, and slowly retired.
'Well, what do you think of what your father says, Sam?' inquired Mr.
Pickwick, with a smile.
'Think, Sir!' replied Mr. Weller; 'why, I think he's the wictim o'
connubiality, as Blue Beard's domestic chaplain said, vith a tear of
pity, ven he buried him.'
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2 comments:
Your introduction paragraph reminded me of a quote..
one man's sunset is another man's Dawn..
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