Soliloquies

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 "As far as the eye could reach, I found myself gazing on a surging sea of aunts. There were tall aunts, short aunts, stout aunts, thin aunts, and an aunt who was carrying on a conversation in a low voice to which nobody seemed to be paying the slightest attention. I was to learn later that this was Miss Emmiline Deverill's habitual practice, she being the aunt of whom Corky had spoken as the dotty one. From start to finish of every meal she soliloquized. Shakespeare would have liked her."

.....PGW in 'The Mating Season'

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Having heard that, I have to say that not everyone who soliloquizes is dotty...at least not so dotty as to be written off.

There was this great-grand-auntie of ours who had this habit of perennially talking to herself, rather loudly. She used to be called by everyone as the Dotty Auntie.

Well, she was not mad at all. Unfortunately she lost her husband and became a widow at an early age. Her son took over the ancestral property and built a house and this auntie was living with her son and was cared well by her D-i-L. 

And then she had a bout of nasty typhoid and lost her hearing completely. This double calamity took its toll on her and she took to speaking to herself. There was not much that she had to do at home since her son and his family looked after all her needs. And so she was moving about the streets happily, talking to herself. Her other faculties were intact and she was tolerated and rather pampered by everyone.

When she died, it came to the notice of her progeny that the few rupees that she was given as pocket money were stored by her an a secret safe and when the final count was taken, she bequeathed more than a hundred times the money she was given to spend. And her neighbors and folks far and wide revealed that she was lending money to the needy at a hefty interest and collecting it like a Shylock.

And then there was this middle-aged Attendant (Peon) in the Director's Office at IIT KGP during the 1980s. His duty was to take files kept in the Delivery Register of the Director's Office day in and day out, walk to the Departments concerned, deliver them to the HoD concerned (or his nominee), get his signature in the Register, and get back to the Director's Office. 

And we found that he was all the time talking to himself and smiling and greeting and saluting folks on the way and all of us thought he was as dotty as a Theoretical Physicist. And we wondered how he got continued to be employed an such a sensitive post.

Till one day, I was walking with my HoD to the Canteen and met the chap on the way. Our HoD greeted him and he smiled and bowed and spoke to himself even louder till our HoD stopped him and asked him to show the files in his Register to see if he has any. And the dotty Peon hid his Register behind his back and smiled and said:

"No files for you, sir! Raam Raam!"

"Just let me see and verify"

"No, sir, trust me, Raam Raam Raam!"

"Let me see who it is that got those files"

 "No, sir! Mera naukri ka saval hai!" ("My job would be at stake!")

And our HoD had to grin and bear the insult as the dotty Peon tore himself away continuing to speak to himself where he left off, leaving me in doubt as to who is the dottier of the two.

Girl kids like Ishani get into the habit of speaking to their pets and dolls interminably. Nowadays it is a great pastime for me to listen to Ishani when she brings her teddy bear or Mickey Mouse to my bed and keeps speaking to them, bathing them, feeding them and chastising them once in a while.

This reminds me all the time of Alice:

 

 'Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on as soon as they were comfortably settled again, 'when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you little mischievous darling! What have you got to say for yourself? Now don't interrupt me!' she went on, holding up one finger. 'I'm going to tell you all your faults. Number one: you squeaked twice while Dinah was washing your face this morning. Now you can't deny it, Kitty: I heard you! What that you say?' (pretending that the kitten was speaking.) 'Her paw went into your eye? Well, that's your fault, for keeping your eyes open — if you'd shut them tight up, it wouldn't have happened. Now don't make any more excuses, but listen! Number two: you pulled Snowdrop away by the tail just as I had put down the saucer of milk before her! What, you were thirsty, were you? How do you know she wasn't thirsty too? Now for number three: you unwound every bit of the worsted while I wasn't looking!

  http://sabian.org/looking_glass1.php

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And it looks like some girls never lose this habit.

I recall my grannie speak volumes to herself when she was alone with her hubby (and I was eavesdropping). After every fifteen minutes or so, she would rush to him and tear his newspaper away from him for not listening to what she was saying.

And my granpa would look at me and say:

"Look at her....just look at her...she doesn't give me any peace in this household...Alright, I am all ears"

And within a few minutes it was I that was all ears to his drowsy growl while his wife kept up her relentless chatter....


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