Mere Formality

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'Please, would you tell me—' she began, looking timidly at the Red Queen. 

 

'Speak when you're spoken to!' the Queen sharply interrupted her. 

'But if everybody obeyed that rule,' said Alice, who was always ready for a little argument, 'and if you only spoke when you were spoken to, and the other person always waited for you to begin, you see nobody would ever say anything, so that—' 

'Ridiculous!' cried the Queen. 'Why, don't you see, child—' here she broke off with a frown, and, after thinking for a minute, suddenly changed the subject of the conversation. 

http://sabian.org/looking_glass9.php


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Whenever someone asks you to do a certain thing or sign something saying with or without an ingratiating smile:

"Oh, it is a mere formality!"

DON'T!

There is no such thing as a MERE formality. All formalities are binding to some extent or the other.

In our families when your sister gets married to a chap younger or older to you, you are required to bend down, sit on the ground, hold a brass plate full of water, and ask the said chap to place his holy feet in it, and wash his feet...while the pundit chants his inscrutable mantras. 

Once you do it, the said chap feels bigger than you and expects you to be beholden to him not only for the nonce but forever.

Ask me!

I had to do it single-handedly (with both my hands) to six such chaps all of who tended to boss over me for the rest of my and their lives till I revolted recently and resigned the position.

On the other hand when I myself did get married, the brother of my would-be-wife did it to my feet against my will, and since then felt and expressed his sentiment that I owe him a gold ring for his unwanted services; till I resigned that position too lately.

Worse...for reasons too complicated to explain briefly, I had to wash the feet of the would-be hubby of one of my nieces too...that was the limit, since the chap expects me to keep standing in his holy presence unless he graciously permits otherwise.

When I joined IIT KGP, I was asked to sign a Form which said that I have read all the Conduct Rules and shall abide by them. When I told the chap behind the counter that I have NOT read the said Rules, he said:

"Oh, it is a mere formality!"

...since there was only one printed copy of the same and Xerox was unheard of.

Many decades later, I was told two of my colleagues had been suspended and then dismissed forthwith. I asked why, and my friend in the Recruitment Section told me that they had violated the Conduct Rules (which they signed without seeing). I became curious and asked him to lend me a copy of the said Rules. He gave me the only copy with him with strict instructions and admonitions not to lose it (and lend it) and return it the next day.

It was a revelation!

Following the letter of the law, one can't go to the Canteen during working hours. Nor lend or borrow money from friends and foes alike. Nor let my friend and his family stay with me in one of my spare rooms. Nor write a Letter to the Editor. Nor publish an article. Nor give a Radio Talk (forget TV). Nor remarry. Nor be discourteous. Nor decline to do anything that IIT asks me to do outside my duties. Nor leave on a Sunday to a picnic at Kolaghat. Nor sign a joint petition. Nor criticize IIT KGP. Nor accept gifts for Recos. Nor give gifts for promotions. Nor undertake tuition with or without monetary reward. Nor let my medico wife practice at home.  Nor even perhaps blog....

...without the permission of the competent authority...

It runs to six pages of close-print.

The Last-Laugh-Rule says:

"The decision of the Board on all questions relating to the interpretation of these provisions is final"

It is a wonder that I had escaped (so far) punishment. 

Don't believe me?

See:

http://www.iitkgp.ac.in/downloads/Act_Statute_final.pdf

The first material page (before Acknowledgements) of any thesis during my time at IIT KGP was a Certificate to be signed by the Guide that whatever is contained in the thesis had not been submitted elsewhere bla bla bla...

And folks told me that this certificate was a 'mere formality' and need not be attached. TRY! For, the Guide was always one of the examiners!

One fine rainy Sunday morning, DB visited my Qrs sweating fretfully and asked me to sign a Form on a Judicial Stamp Paper. I was curious and asked him what it was that I was about to sign (secret ballot!).

And he told me that he won a one-year Deputation to Mexico and at the last minute the Registry gave him this Form and asked it to be got signed by a Permanent Employee of the IIT. And I scanned the Form nervously and it said that I would be the Surety that DB would return from Mexico and not abscond to the US or whatever, in which case, I would have to pay the IIT KGP a princely sum of Rs 30,000 (equivalent to his one-year salary).

I was nervous since that happened to be precisely the sum I had accumulated in my PF (firmly embraced by the IIT) which they can grab in case....

So, I asked him time to think it over and he got offended and said I was not the only onion in his stew and there were dozens wiling to sign it without glancing it. And before I could recover my propriety he left in a huff.

Only to return to me in the evening...by when I had reconciled to signing it anyway...he did return from Mexico...very much on time.

That reminds me...it is time that I get my Annual Life Certificate Form to be signed by a Gazetted Officer or equivalent who would certify that he had seen me alive this day the XX date of November 2012...

Had I been visiting the US now, it would be pretty tough to get a Gazetted Officer there...and I would have to devise ways and means to get the Life Certificate signed by someone or the other in India who would at best be 'seeing' me alive on Skype...

Seeing is believing; or is it?

Cheers!

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