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RKN married a 15-year-old in what was called a 'Love Marriage' in our society. Such marriages were frowned upon even in my generation. So I can imagine the resistance the couple faced a decade before I was born. Sadly he lost his wife to typhoid fever just six years after their marriage...leaving behind a baby daughter. RKN never married again. So I can understand him saying that his daughter is his priceless possession.
Here are the cameos in our marriage rituals...each of which brims with mixed feelings:
1. Bride-Seeing Ceremony: The boy and the girl have a brief look at each other in the company of a dozen relatives and friends. Generally the boy is scared and avoids staring at the girl. Unlike girls, boys are not endowed with subtle peripheral vision. It is generally the boy who is supposed to communicate his decision to the girl's family. But it is the girl who has the veto. After the deal is okayed, the boy and the girl are bags full of mixed feelings, doubts, second and third and fourth thoughts.
2. Negotiations: The parents on either side go through this business with or without the assistance of intermediaries who are a nuisance. No one is satisfied fully just like in any other bargain.
3. Vara Puja: The groom's party arrives for the wedding mela that is held at the bride's place the evening before the muhurat. They are received with coconuts and paan leaves and the groom is worshiped formally and gifts exchanged. The groom and the bride are bedecked in their gorgeous costumes and they are led towards each other in slow motion so that the paying public can have a ringside view and pass comments sotto voce. And then the couple exchange garlands and rings and retire for the night. This is the first time the boy and the girl have a relook at each other closeup and in general it is a sigh. The girl seems to have put on a lot of weight meanwhile and the boy looks more like a clown than a hero.
4. Kashi Yatra: Early next morning the groom decides he made a mistake and tries to run away to Kashi ceremonially. The bride's brother chases him and fetches him back imploring and washing his feet and propitiating his ego. The groom relents (since his father pocketed the dowry). The bride knows it is a tamasha.
5. Kanya Daan: The bride and groom are now seated facing each other wearing wraparounds soaked in haldi. No frills. The bride's father worships the groom and 'donates' his daughter. Tears are advised although what goes on in the secret recesses of his mind is anyone's guess...
6. Muhurat: The groom and the bride place a mixture of jaggery and jeera on each others' heads and the deal is done. It is formalized by the groom tying three knots on a thread soaked in haldi and placed around the neck of the bride. It is called Maangalyam. Lots of clapping and drumming and cheering and blessing and gifting goes on. The Registrar of Marriages is invited to this event nowadays for the facilitation of passports. He is the Star in the audience.
7. Arundhuti Darshan: I don't know why but the pundit takes the bride and groom outside the hall and points towards the faint star Arundhuti which lies just below Vasishtha in the Ursa Major. The whole thing is fake since most marriages take place in the daytime and the pundit has no idea where Ursa (major or minor) is.
8. Fire Rituals: Lots of stuff with the just-married man and wife going round and round the holy fire and the man bending and touching the big toe of his wife and the wife pretending to cook a meal for him.
9. Appagintalu (Handing Over): This is the final ritual where the bride's party ceremonially comes over to the groom's party and 'gives up' the bride, once and for all parting with her (till her confinement). This is a very stressful moment when lots of soulful songs are sung specially writ for this occasion.
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The father of a girl always prays that matrimony should cease to be any sort of market, and that he should be in a position to say, "My daughter is a priceless possession I have had with me for sixteen years now, I don't know how I am going to be without her. She is invaluable as far as I am concerned and even if you pay me a price of ten lakhs, I would still feel unhappy to part with her, and so I am not selling her; I shall give her away provided you satisfy these two conditions. I must have a confidential report from one of the daughters-in-law of your house, on the outlook and conduct of the elders at home, and I want a psychologist to examine your son and give him a certificate of soundness."
...RKN in Bridegroom Bargains
RKN married a 15-year-old in what was called a 'Love Marriage' in our society. Such marriages were frowned upon even in my generation. So I can imagine the resistance the couple faced a decade before I was born. Sadly he lost his wife to typhoid fever just six years after their marriage...leaving behind a baby daughter. RKN never married again. So I can understand him saying that his daughter is his priceless possession.
Here are the cameos in our marriage rituals...each of which brims with mixed feelings:
1. Bride-Seeing Ceremony: The boy and the girl have a brief look at each other in the company of a dozen relatives and friends. Generally the boy is scared and avoids staring at the girl. Unlike girls, boys are not endowed with subtle peripheral vision. It is generally the boy who is supposed to communicate his decision to the girl's family. But it is the girl who has the veto. After the deal is okayed, the boy and the girl are bags full of mixed feelings, doubts, second and third and fourth thoughts.
2. Negotiations: The parents on either side go through this business with or without the assistance of intermediaries who are a nuisance. No one is satisfied fully just like in any other bargain.
3. Vara Puja: The groom's party arrives for the wedding mela that is held at the bride's place the evening before the muhurat. They are received with coconuts and paan leaves and the groom is worshiped formally and gifts exchanged. The groom and the bride are bedecked in their gorgeous costumes and they are led towards each other in slow motion so that the paying public can have a ringside view and pass comments sotto voce. And then the couple exchange garlands and rings and retire for the night. This is the first time the boy and the girl have a relook at each other closeup and in general it is a sigh. The girl seems to have put on a lot of weight meanwhile and the boy looks more like a clown than a hero.
4. Kashi Yatra: Early next morning the groom decides he made a mistake and tries to run away to Kashi ceremonially. The bride's brother chases him and fetches him back imploring and washing his feet and propitiating his ego. The groom relents (since his father pocketed the dowry). The bride knows it is a tamasha.
5. Kanya Daan: The bride and groom are now seated facing each other wearing wraparounds soaked in haldi. No frills. The bride's father worships the groom and 'donates' his daughter. Tears are advised although what goes on in the secret recesses of his mind is anyone's guess...
6. Muhurat: The groom and the bride place a mixture of jaggery and jeera on each others' heads and the deal is done. It is formalized by the groom tying three knots on a thread soaked in haldi and placed around the neck of the bride. It is called Maangalyam. Lots of clapping and drumming and cheering and blessing and gifting goes on. The Registrar of Marriages is invited to this event nowadays for the facilitation of passports. He is the Star in the audience.
7. Arundhuti Darshan: I don't know why but the pundit takes the bride and groom outside the hall and points towards the faint star Arundhuti which lies just below Vasishtha in the Ursa Major. The whole thing is fake since most marriages take place in the daytime and the pundit has no idea where Ursa (major or minor) is.
8. Fire Rituals: Lots of stuff with the just-married man and wife going round and round the holy fire and the man bending and touching the big toe of his wife and the wife pretending to cook a meal for him.
9. Appagintalu (Handing Over): This is the final ritual where the bride's party ceremonially comes over to the groom's party and 'gives up' the bride, once and for all parting with her (till her confinement). This is a very stressful moment when lots of soulful songs are sung specially writ for this occasion.
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