Gone up in Smoke

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Gone up in Smoke

1968: IIT KGP:

When I joined IIT KGP in 1965, I found everybody there smoking. It was a fashion statement. 

Our HoD, Prof HNB, used to have a tin of Capstan cigarettes on his office table, constantly refilled. My own PhD guide, Prof SDM, told me that there was this claim in the Calcutta of his youth that nobody who didn't smoke could do any worthwhile research in Theoretical Physics. He himself apparently ascended the smoking ladder from cigarettes to cigars to pipes. 

He didn't tell me why he jumped off the ladder though...maybe he got married :)

So, within a month of my joining our rowdy faculty hostel, I picked up this prevalent smoking habit. 

And when I pick up anything, I would do a thorough job of it. 

And within three months I turned a chain smoker. But, what with financial commitments to my father's family, I was perennially broke; and soon descended the smoking ladder from Gold Flakes to Wills Flakes to whole-sale cartons of 25 packets of Vazirs (short of beedis).

And, to make both smoking ends meet, I had to sell off the ancient pushbike gifted me by my friend Shyam Vir Tyagi when he left KGP to TELCO. Also my HMV Star Record Player bought in a foolish impulse along with its sole EP record which I got bored of hearing within a week of its purchase.

So I was glad when I was told that our IIT was launching a new "Paid Tutor" scheme meant for lowly-paid young bachelor teachers.

It was like this:

Worried parents of freshman were complaining of rampant ragging in the hostels. So each recruited tutor would be allotted five freshmen from different hostels. The tutor was required to meet his wards no less than four times every month, find out their issues, and sort them out amicably. And he had to fill in monthly printed report forms and file them with the Registry. The form would have the name of each student, his hostel, number of times met, problems found, and solutions offered. 

The compensation for this horrendous job was a whopping Rs 40 per month.

So I eagerly enrolled myself as a paid tutor.

The first month I visited his hostel my ward would half open the door of his room, nod silently, and shut the door hastily. 

Which was fine with me.

The second month, my ward could never be found in his room...he would be wandering all over the place, discovering enchanting novelties. 

Which was not ok.

The third month I invented a clever stratagem:

Instead of my visiting them in their hostels, my wards would visit me in my hostel every weekend. And I would treat them in the Nair Canteen. The advantage of this was, apart from convenience, I could fill up my form without pangs of conscience. The flip-side was that it was eating into my meager honorarium.

By the sixth month my wards got wise to the fact that IIT was paying me for my services.

And they started hounding me in my hostel for what they called "emergency hand-loans" (strictly non-refundable).

I was then running into intolerable losses; and I traveled to the Registry to tender my resignation, which was not accepted.

That was when I discovered that our Central Library kept itself open long into the night till 11 pm. And I started hiding there (and learning smart physics by the way). 

And I stopped submitting my forms...and they stopped my honorarium, which was a huge relief.

I was told that next year the scheme was abolished lock stock and barrel.

Reason:

Many of the youthful tutors were found reporting that they met their wards many times and found many problems and solved them all,  long after some of them fled the campus to join local colleges in their home towns (if not dead due to food poisoning).

:)

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