Spit Spittle Spittoon

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That sounds a nice conjugation like: Little Less Least

When we were kids in our seaside Village, there was this new neighbor of ours who used to frequently rush out of his room, clear his noisy throat, spit on the ground, and rush back like Mr Hyde.

Myself and didi were curious because his spittle was red in color.

And we used to go forth and investigate. And were caught in the act and got a thumping whack on our tender backs.

Turned out he was in the last stages of PT and was soon shifted to a sanatorium (as the gag went...).

I think the urge to spit is supremely compelling and brooks no dealy unlike other evacuations.

Well, like everywhere else, we boys used to have several competitions involving parabolic trajectories for their height, horizontal range, time of travel and accurate target practice.

And spitting competitions were regular features, with prizes.

And then this new kid on the block arrived and charmed us all with his art and craft of blowing bubbles out of his saliva on his tongue and releasing them in air. I prayed to him, learned it the hard way, practiced it till I became perfect, and was caught square in the act while exhibiting it to my younger sisters, and walloped before it became addictive.

And I read in PGW's Performing Flea that there was a spitting expert among his chums while they were imprisoned for a year or more by Hitler's Gestapo.

Apparently this chap became a hero since any such recondite gift comes very useful to beguile time in a jail.

And when I reached KGP and visited the BNR Hospital, there was this spittoon by the wall with the legend:

"Spit here"

It almost seemed like a Commandment and I had to go forth and obey Dr Kohli's spitting injunction.

That reminds me of the Readers Digest joke where a kid sees a gentleman with a camera, and a button on his lapel with the inscription:

"Press"

And the kid asks her mom:

"What happens if I press?"

Enough of this childishness...we now come to serious business:

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Excerpts from today's dumbfounding DC article titled:

"Saliva, a better sample than blood"

"Spit is considered dirty and insulting, but Indian scientists have rediscovered a 2000-year-old secret about this wonderful fluid.

Spit or saliva is more than a chemical secretion in the mouth; it is a reflection of one's health, both mental and physical, they say.

...Researchers elsewhere have discovered that saliva is capable of informing whether or not a woman is pregnant...spit on a special strip and it will inform you if you are pregnant."

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The upshot of this discovery is truly mind-boggling.

I will confine myself to only one joke doing the rounds in my time at the Faculty Hostel at KGP:

First you need to know that some communities in India are matriarchal...meaning wife dominates.

Banta Singh who fell in love and married one such girl was once suffering from an unknown fever, went to the Hospital, and was ordered to give his urine sample for examination.

Which he did.

Unfortunately the new trainee nurse dropped Banta's test tube, broke it, got scared, and quickly filled another tube with her own, and passed it on to the Lab Assistant.

The next day Banta went and collected his report which said:

"Pregnancy confirmed"

And he ran back to his wife and bemoaned:

"I TOLD you not to insist on your topsy-turvy postures...didn't I?...look now what happened!"



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